Poo Activator
I was in a meeting today at work when I noticed the familiar odor of dog shit. I feared the worst, and a subtle glance at the bottom of my shoe confirmed I had unwisely gone into Maxine's territory, namely our yard. The room was hot and stuffy, and it was only a matter of time until one of the other five people in the room identified me as the stinker.
I bolted for the door. I've found you can walk out of nearly any meeting with impunity as long as you leave in the manner of someone getting ready to have a major gastrointestinal event, which I call an asspisode on good advice from my friend Ian. Nobody asks any questions. And, in some way I did consider this an asspisode, once removed.
I went to the bathroom to remove the poo. I went to stall and realized I had nothing to scrape it off with. I wrapped my hand in toilet paper to scrape, with limited success. I banged it on the side of the toilet seat, also with limited success. I just wasn't able to get the dried poo off my shoe.
Rather than go get a proper scraping tool, I made the ill-advised decision to wet the poo and then try to scrape it off. Obviously, wetting the poo merely embiggened it's olfactory powers, yet somehow did now allow me to scrape all the poo off. I was left with a shoe with just a hint of actual poo, but a much more pronounced poo smell. This was not an option, so I masked the poo smell by rubbing it with hand soap from the dispensers.
Well, I like to think I masked it. I suppose "altered it" would be more appropriate. And I have to assume it worked. Either that or everybody assumed I had just had one major gastronomical event and were being polite.
8:53:31 PM 
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