Mary, from Ripon, WI asks:
"Jesus Christ. This is the third urinary-tract infection my cat has had this winter. I'm already out $600 in vet bills, and the cat is still peeing on everything. At what point do I put an end to this?"
WWJD?:
Aw, Mary. Tough break. Pets can be a blessing, but also a burden. And it's not just the vet bills, is it Mary? What about all that pet hair in your apartment? All of your clothes are ruined, permanently covered with cat hair; people call you Sasquatch behind your back at work. Not to mention all of your funiture and rugs that the cat has maimed with its claws, and then pissed on for good measure. I think you've already been admirably patient. Let's be real, Mary. This urinary tract infection is just the excuse you need to change this relationship for the better; I can personally guarantee that you would lose another $1000 before realizing the cat will never get any better. Cut bait.
Louanne from Columbus, OH asks:
"Oh, Jesus, Frank and Catharine are coming over and I totally forgot about it. Should I make a vegetarian lasagna, or shrimp linguine?"
WWJD?:
Though call, Louanne. I can't remember if Catherine is a vegetarian, a vegan, or a pescatarian. Of course, it changes every day, doesn't it? The veggie lasagna is probably the safe choice, but won't that take forever? Make the linguine, and if that's not good enough for her, tell her it's tofu shrimp and a soy milk base. You wouldn't think anyone would be stupid enough to believe that, but we are talking about Catherine here.
Kobe, from Los Angeles, asks:
"Mike, I'm posting Malone up on the left block. Should I spin middle or go baseline?"
WWJD?:
Kobe, I think some wires got crossed. This soundslike it should go to the "What Would Jordan Do?" board. But as long as we're talking, Malone's going to bite hard on your head fake. Then he's gonna flop. Tell MJ I said hello.
Bob, from San Francisco, CA asks:
"Oh Jesus! I'm at this house party that has this kind of community bathroom thing going on, and this woman just asked me to pee on her hand! What should I do?"
WWJD?:
Wow, that sounds like some party! I'm not going to mince words, Bob. In a situation like that, you've got to ask yourself three questions. First, do you want to pee on her hand? I can see that she's pretty hot, and your pulse rate went through the roof when she approached you. We both know you want to.
But should you? In these troubled times, and especially in a randy town like San Francisco, that's an open question. There are, of course, the health considerations, especially if she has any open sores on her hand. But that's her problem, right?
Finally, can you get away with it without it coming back to haunt you? I would say...probably. I like your chances Bob; have a good night.
Oh, Bob, one important caveat to what I've said here. My favorable response was predicated on my assumption that you would be peeing on the back of her hand. If at any point she starts to cup her hands, move on. That's really nasty.
