The Pipeline NBA Primer
Man, is it NBA season already? It only seems like it was four months ago that we were all sitting back and not watching the Spurs beat the Nets. Well, it’s that time again, and if you ask me, this is the most intriguing NBA season in at least two years. I mean, look at the story lines…
Kobe
It pretty much stands to reason when one of THE stars of the league is actively facing life in prison at worst, and severely tarnishing a budding legend at best, that it’s going to be the story of the year. But there’s always more than one angle when you’re talking about the Lakers. Kobe and Shaq have already begun their season-long spat, and all of this overshadows what was supposed to be one of the big stories this year: Gary Payton and Karl Malone joining the Lake Show to make them the greatest assemblage of talent since the ’92 Dream Team. Even that issue has issues: Will they share the ball? How will the personalities mesh? Personally, I find the Lakers to be a difficult team to like, even though I generally enjoy Shaq and I have always loved Gary Payton. I can’t stand Malone. I detest him and truly believe him to be a dirty player who is overrated. And Kobe’s just an ass. Yeah, I’ve seen him do some amazing things, and physically at times I do think he belongs in Jordan’s realm of greatness. But he’s just such a knob about so many other parts of the game. His shot selection is horrible. He’ll take the one or two games a week that he just can’t miss and base his shot selection for the next five games on that, and shoot something like 35%. That means that five out of seven games, he’s just a guy stealing shots from other guys while trying to be some highlight reel. And his bad shots are BAD shots, gunning from 25 with tons of time on the clock and guys standing around the perimeter waiting to get the ball in the offense. Kobe, by his very nature and the nature of the game, is at odds with each other teammate’s game at any given time. How can that be greatness?
LeBron
Remember when the focus was all on LeBron, and people were talking about how it was so wrong that a high school kid should get so much scrutiny and/or adulation? Haven’t heard much about that since Kobe hit Vail, have we? As sad as the Kobe thing is on so many levels, it’s probably one of the best things that could have happened to LeBron. Can you imagine the feeding frenzy the media would have been having with his horrific preseason shooting if the media wasn’t all looking toward central Colorado and LA? A lot of the basketball fans I talk to are really split on LeBron. Some people I know have severe animus toward him, such that in the middle of his senior year in high school these people were already predicting a career of ruin and unmet expectations. Some of this was based on reading the tea leaves of LeBron’s televised high school games, while some was based on, for lack of a better word, karma. I guess my feeling is, how can you not want the guy to succeed? I mean, there aren’t many special players in any sport, players that evoke a certain visceral joy in a wide range of people who may see them play.
Michael Who?
How do we know that it’s really time for Michael to move on? Because, unlike the last six times he retired, nobody is batting an eye this time around. The guard has been changed, and a new #23 in red has emerged, not to mention the stories above, not to mention Yao, not to mention the Amazing West’s Top Five of the Lakers, Mavericks, Spurs, Wolves and Kings.
The New Style
There are several teams with new looks. As in, the threads they wear. I haven’t seen them all, yet, but I’ve seen several I like. Cleveland did their new uniforms right. They could have gone garish, but instead they went retro with a classic deep red and gold, with a nice logo. I made fun of Houston’s logo back when they unveiled it, but the actual uniforms are an understated red and silver (think Ohio State). I think they only acquired Jim Jackson so he could relive his Buckeye glory years in the new duds. Denver’s UCLA/Carolina fusion of gold and light blue is as sharp as sharp is. Phoenix played last night in a nifty orange number with a muted gray trim. I think they wore an all-orange uni a few times last year, but the gray trim seemed new. Orlando has simplified their look, and Toronto sported an all-red look the other night. The thing I’m seeing is that more teams are wearing the color uniform at home this year, forcing the road team to wear the white, sort of how the NFL does things.
The Seer Peeks In
It’s too early for a full-on prognostication, but here are the Seer’s early thoughts on how the races shape up…
The West is the most gaudy collection of talented teams I have ever seen, in any sporting division. They’re like a PlayStation tournament that you put together with all the classic teams. I rank them like this:
Lakers
Wolves
Mavericks
Spurs
Kings
Rockets
Suns
Grizzlies
Yeah, that’s right. I think the Grizz have a chance to get to the playoffs this year, especially now that Elton Brand is out for up to six weeks for the Clippers. In truth, I could see spots 2 through 4 going any which way, but I think the Lakers are the prohibitive favorite (barring health and/or legal setbacks), and I think the Kings are the solid fifth choice with Webber’s continued injuries. The thing is, the Rockets and Suns might be better than the best team in the East. Hell, Portland might be better than the best team in the East.
As for the East, they suck again. All of them. They all suck. We said the same thing last year, and received defensive emails from Celtic fans and whatnot, but as you can imagine, we didn’t any more of that nonsense once the snow hit the ground. Still, somebody’s gotta win that Conference, right? I see the top eight like this:
New Jersey
Detroit
Indiana
Philadelphia
New Orleans
Boston
Orlando
Cleveland
Hey now! Did the Seer just call the Cavs a playoff team? Yes, he did. Maybe Washington sneaks in there, or maybe Toronto is better than I think. But does it really matter? Remember, they all suck. The only teams with upside on the list above are Detroit, Indiana and Cleveland. All the others, don’t we pretty much know what we are getting? In all seriousness, Jersey is a very solid team, but can they really be a great team? I don’t see it. What I’m looking at is Larry Brown’s impact in Detroit, the impact of NOT having Isiah Thomas on the sidelines in Pacerland, and the general improvement of the Cavaliers around LeBron as their leader. Sure, you could point to Glenn Robinson’s arrival in Philly, or Antoine Walker’s departure from Boston as being major sea changes, but what would be the point? The teams still aren’t good enough to aspire to anything except get beaten by Detroit or Jersey in the Conference Finals. Why I even bother talking about the East is a mystery; I only do it as a backhanded slap to my Buck Fan friends, so they can see their team get nary a mention.
The Four McHales
And now, I present to you the rawest of the raw materials for the first-ever trophy to be awarded to the winner of the Rock & Roll Dogs Fantasy Basketball League—The Four McHales. Why Four McHales? Well, the answers are many. What other NBA GM has their own bobblehead doll? What other bobblehead doll could I find in the $1 shopping cart at my local Rainbow Foods? Previously, our league had no trophy, only a blanket license to proceed to make an Insufferable Gloating Ass (actuall wording in the rules) of themselves to other owners for the following year. But it became painfully clear that too many non-winners were availing themselves of this privilege, and so The Travelling Trophy Of The Four McHales is being created deep in the recesses of my workshop for presentation to the winner of our league each year. The completed design will feature the Four McHales, mounted to a hand-made platform (pedestal, if you will) made of the finest oak, sanded and tung oiled by me personally, with the careful attention to detail and quality one might expect from a European Master. When asked if they felt it was right that yours truly has never won the RRD title, after a slight nudge to the side all four McHales vigorously shook their head in amazement and wonder. When asked if this was to be the year of my ultimate glory, after a slight tap to the top of the head, all McHales nodded in staunch agreement.
You can’t argue with Kevin McHale, Hall of Famer and GM of the Timberwolves. You just can’t. To argue with four of him would just be madness.
12:44:49 PM 
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