I had this funny picture in my head of a freak-show barker shouting, "Come, See a Real Live Preacher".

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  Thursday, May 22, 2003


John the Baptist

 

I bought a blue jean priest shirt in a religious store. I’d never seen one made of denim. I don't normally wear a collar, but I AM ordained. I can wear one if I want.

 

I think I’ll wear it to play disc golf. I’ll wear it with my ratty shorts, old sneakers, and wide-brimmed hat.

 

And with black socks.

 

Here’s my fantasy about what will happen on that day:

 

I hit the first hole and a bunch of typical GenX slackers are waiting around to tee off. My outfit stuns them into silence. I'm either a grunge priest or the most blasphemous guy they've ever seen. I like that they aren't sure which of these is true.

 

I speak first.

 

"You waitin for someone?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Mind if I go ahead and play through?"

 

"Sure.”

 

I drop my disc bag and unzip it. They catch the flash of color and understand that I have serious plastic. All high quality. All fly-dye. You don't carry discs like this unless you know what you're doing.

 

I pull out a handful of paperback New Testaments and pass them around. I'm one short. I hesitate a second, then pull a beer out of my disc bag and give that to the last guy.

 

“Sorry dude, I'm out of bibles.”

 

They receive these gifts like some people receive communion – with childlike stares. It seems like something important is happening, but they aren't exactly sure what it is.

 

I put my hand up like a gospel singer to feel the air. The breeze is with me and slightly right, so I pull out my 170-gram Cheetah, the one with the very cool dye job. I roll my head around and work my wrist a couple of times before yankin that sumbitch down the fairway, right-center. My snap is enough to turn it over a bit, so it yawns right before fading left and parking right at the base of the basket.

 

“Booyah.”

 

While I’m gathering up my shit I can hear the silence behind me. I turn around and give em the good word.

 

"That’s the power of prayer, my sons. The power of prayer. Now turn from your wicked-ass ways."

 

I'm halfway down the fairway before they close their mouths.

 

I have the blue jean priest shirt.

I play the game.

I own the cool discs and the bibles.

My theology is plenty earthy.

 

If the good Lord will grant me a great tee shot, this thing could absolutely happen.

 

Matthew 3:1-10

 

The Preacher



7:27:06 AM    Leave a Comment []

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