Email Relapse
Permission to speak freely? Sorry, I have to ask that. The thing is, when Real Live Preacher writes something everyone expects it to be so damn wonderful that when I want to “just write something” I feel like I have to give warning.
Is that messed up? I don’t know. I don’t really care. If feeling responsible to write well is the thing that gets me to work hard at writing, I’ll take it. I need it. I gotta have it.
But not tonight.
I’ve had an email relapse. That means there are 33 messages in my Real Live Preacher hotmail inbox. And all of those need a serious response. Some of them would break your heart, and I'm sorry as hell that I'm behind. Dammit, I was doing so good for awhile. Kept that inbox at zero for about 3 months.
The thing is, I’m a regular guy who is discovering what it means to get a lot of email. Email is the part of Real Live Preacher that no one else sees. Don’t feel bad. You can’t see the email part of this and I can’t read my essays. I’m the only person in the world who can’t read Real Live Preacher. Is that some weird shit, or what? By the time I finish writing it, it’s dead to me. I can never experience what it is like to read my own essays. So we’re both a little bit in the dark on this thing.
But anyway, yeah, I’ve been getting an increasing amount of email over the fifteen months or so that I’ve been writing Real Live Preacher. It’s a journey in itself to learn to deal with a lot of email.
I'm counting the comments as emails since they get emailed to me. I read them all. Sometimes I respond to comments by leaving a comment. Sometimes I send the commenter an email. Most of the time I just read them. If you leave a comment, that is for the world at large, and I don’t feel a huge responsibility to respond all the time.
But if you send me an email, I will respond to it. I’m getting five to ten emails a day, not counting comments. Most of them are nice emails that only require a thank you. But then there are the ones that get you right in the heart.
“I’m sixteen and my friend is addicted to Crack. I’m trying to stay clean. What should I do?”
“I’m an atheist and my wife has become a Christian. I feel like she is taking my child away from me. Do you have any thoughts?”
“My fiancé died. He was a Christian, and I’d like to read some bible verses at his funeral. I don’t know much about the bible. Can you suggest a translation and send some verses. While you’re at it, do you have any tips for reading the bible?”
These emails take time. They can build up quickly and you can get overwhelmed.
STOP RIGHT NOW if you are already composing an email to me telling me to take it easy, and not to burn out, and not to worry about the emails, and to write essays and ignore the emails, and learn to set priorities, and you can't minister to the world.
Please, feel free not to send that email. I know all about boundaries. In fact, I’m going to make this claim for myself: I’ve probably forgotten more about setting boundaries than the average person will learn in a lifetime. It’s not because I’m smart or anything; it’s because I’m a pastor. If you can’t set your own boundaries as a pastor, you’re freakin dead. I give you three years unless you are a masochist and enjoy pain. If you are a masochist and a pastor, then maybe you enjoy letting people tell you who you should be and then kicking your ass for not being that.
I know from boundaries.
Let me tell you a big truth about boundaries. If I was writing this to whine about getting too many emails in hopes that YOU would set the boundary for me and not send as many, then I would be lost. That's not a clean way to deal with people, and it wouldn't work anyway.
"So Why ARE you telling us this?" you ask. Actually, I'm not sure. It falls under the "I've been thinking a lot about it and I felt like talking" category. Jeez, I hope no one writes and says this is a "cry for help." It isn't. I'm fine.
But I have been thinking a lot about this email business, and here’s is what I’m learning.
FIRST, when you send a lot of emails, you will always end up losing compassion. No matter how hard you try, you just can't care enough. Eventually you will send an email to someone that is a little terse or sounds uncaring. Hell, maybe it was uncaring. And that person will think, "This guy thinks he is too damn important to take any time for me." That is absolutely going to happen, so just let it go and move on.
SECOND, you are either a guy who answers his email or a guy who is too busy to answer email. There are no excuses and no extenuating circumstances. You either write back or you don’t.
I do not want to be a guy who doesn’t answer email. So for now, everyone gets an answer. This is for my own sanity, by the way. If you want to write me, go right ahead. Why not? I’m just a guy sitting in his house, writing and answering email.
THIRD, If you reach the place where you cannot answer every email, you have committed no sin. You are not evil and uncaring. Just stand up and admit it. Write a little message that says, “I’m reading everything, but I can’t always write back.”
Do what you must do, but if you can’t answer email, you are now a guy who is too busy to answer email. Don’t be that guy unless you fought it to the end. Do not become a guy who doesn’t answer emails until you just can’t help it.
FINALLY, I love the emails you send. Maybe they are the most important thing about Real Live Preacher. You wanna send email? Send it baby. Let me worry about the boundary, okay? If the day should come, God forbid, when I have to set that boundary, I'll stand up and set it. I won't like it. I'll fight like hell to avoid it. Maybe that day will never come. But if that day does come, I'll be honest about it.
But that day is not today! So let's see if I can get this inbox down to zero by the end of the weekend. That would be sweet.
There are no shortcuts to living and being in this world. None. If you become the guy who cannot answer email, you ARE the guy who cannot answer email.
And I do not want to be that guy.
And telling you about this helps me tonight. I don't know why, but it does.
So thanks for listening,
rlp
9:33:16 PM 
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