Various Other Post-Vacation Crashes
It's funny how I think of you as my diary.
Dear Diary,
Yeah, things have been a little funky around here since I got back from Colorado. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the server crash. Our co-op has around 150 domains, most of which lead to a website of one kind or another. We're basically rebuilding everything. There seems to be no end to the little things that must be done.
Our church is experiencing a crash or two as well. When you deal intimately with people, sometimes you walk through hard times with them. Some of my friends are living in very hard times.
And we're scrambling to get ready for school. As usual, we're unprepared, uninformed, and running behind. We're a family of procrastinators. We're nice people, but you probably don't want to be around us at the last moment before anything. We're the family running into school on the first day with the wrong supplies and none of the proper forms filled out. The last week before school is one big, collective panic attack.
It doesn't help matters that I don't take public education as seriously as the school administrators and some of the other parents do. My kids are a little goofy, they struggle to pay attention, and they don't exactly fit into the school's round slots.
Thank God!
They're also passionate, curious, engaged, sweet-natured, and fabulous people as far as I'm concerned. I'm in this with them for the long haul, so pardon me if I don't get my panties in a wad because Lillian turned in her Xeroxed, boring reading assignment on Thursday instead of Wednesday. And yes, I know that was a homework grade!
This year the three sisters will be in three different schools for the first time. My oldest will be a sophomore, my middle daughter begins middle school, and the youngest is in second grade.
I'm seeing driving in my future. Lots of driving.
Okay, back to why I started this in the first place. The post-vacation crashes. Server, Church, School preparations.
I'm feeling these crashes emotionally as a kind of low-level, but constant anxiety. I can tell you this: anxiety shorts out any writing impulse that I might have. I have nothing in me right now. Nothing to spare. Writing seems like some exotic and impossible thing, like hitchhiking through Siberia. I don't think I could form a single creative sentence. That's the reality of the situation.
Yeah, I can sit down and write to you like a secret diary, but my usual stuff is gone. It's nowhere. I do not know WHO wrote all that stuff in the archives.
I do feel momentum growing in me as I round the corner of summer and look for the beginning of fall. It's only a quiet and potential momentum, but I feel it. This momentum exists in some possible future, like a quantum reality. The girls will go to school in a week, setting my days free again. The server will settle down. I will emerge from this tunnel. I will get a six-pack of lime diet coke and go away on a Monday for an indulgent writing time. Blessed solitude. It seems too good to hope for.
I can only think of it as a possibility, but it IS a possibility. And that possibility is what's keeping me going.
In the meantime, will you be my diary?
rlp
9:34:14 AM 
|
