Follow-Up From Yesterday
I've received a lot of emails after my posting yesterday about Shelby. I feel that I want to follow that up with a word or two.
First, last year was the nightmare year for us. Shelby was selected by the girls in her class as a kind of sacrificial lamb. The acts of aggression and cruelty were terrible. We had to intervene, and it helped somewhat, but only in stemming the overt acts of aggression. There is nothing the grownups can do to stop the looks, passive aggression, manipulation, and teasing.
This year is not as difficult. She is in middle school now, so she is moving from class to class. She isn't trapped in a class with a group of girls who have decided to hate her. This latest bump in the road isn't much when compared to last year. She has learned to stand up for herself in appropriate ways, which also helps.
I also want to say that our small community of faith has been an incredible source of power and strength for us. Shelby is known and loved by many adults and friends in our faith community. The power of the tormenters at school withers before the greater and deeper power of love. It doesn't make the days easier, but she has the ego strength to cope. She knows she is loved and not just by her parents.
I want to skirt the edge of gender insensitivity and suggest that the social issues girls deal with at school are very different from those commonly experienced by boys. Girls have different ways of being aggressive and different kinds of pressures.
Jeanene and I found a book that really helped us understand the dynamics behind last year's nightmare. This book opened our eyes. What I have seen affirms this woman's basic premise. Adolescent girls can be VERY aggressive, and their aggression is often hidden and carefully planned. Also, the schools are often completely unaware of the situation, at least institutionally unaware. The institution does not want to be aware because it takes so much work to set it right.
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
by Rachel Simmons
Click here to see it at Amazon.com
Finally, thank you for your kind love and concern. This is not a sickness unto death, and Shelby will be fine.
peace,
rlp
11:01:42 AM 
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