More Worlds Colliding

It happened again. Another person in my church has found Real Live Preacher. In this case it was "Chris," who I've mentioned in a couple of stories.

I don't know how she found me. I'm sure she'll tell me when we meet for coffee today, but I can make a guess. I'm linked to quite a few blogs these days. Anyone from our church who stumbles across Real Live Preacher will know me right away.

I feel something in the air. The wind is changing. I sense that I'm coming to a crossroads, a place of decision, perhaps even a point of no return.

On the one hand, there is this new and wonderful thing in my life. Writing. How did I live without it? I found a way to be present in a moment, and in that moment I put my arms around the chaos of my own flesh and spirit. I put words to my silliness, to my joy, and to my pain. I gave form to these impulses with hard work; I made them to be stories.

Once this work has been done, there is no undoing it. There is no turning back.

On the other hand, there is my church. I should have been writing about the four sisters all along because this church is like my own little girl. She almost died once. I held her head while God breathed life back into her.

Our church is not a place in the world; it is a gathering of people, and these people are my community. These are my dearest friends. We have democrats and republicans, liberals and conservatives, left brains and right brains. What we share is deeper than any of those things. We share a devotion to Christ and a commitment to follow in the way of Christ all the days of our lives.

I love the little collection of dreamers and silly people who have asked me to shepherd them on The Way. I absolutely love them. And they love me too; I can tell.

So here are two good things that have remained separate - my writing and my church. What would happen if they were to collide?

I have two fears.

I worry that some in our church would be bothered by my language, the edgy parts of my theology, and the peeks into my darker moments. I am not ashamed of anything I have said, but a part of my calling is to think of the community before myself. Conflict is an inevitable part of church, but I don't want to bring conflict to our community unless it is necessary.

It's hard enough to follow the way of Christ without a lot of distractions, and I do not want to be a distraction to these people.

But that's the least of my worries. If more people in my church found out about Real Live Preacher, that would be okay. Most of the leaders of the church would appreciate what I've written, I think. There would be a couple of people who would have a hard time with some of it, but we'd be okay.

What I'm really afraid of is someone showing up at our church looking for Real Live Preacher. I've received dozens of emails from people asking where our church is so they can come and hear me preach. I can barely stand to write that, but that's what they said. A couple of these emails were a little scary. I'll just leave it at that.

I think a church should be an authentic community of people who share a common commitment and come together to use their gifts and talents for good in this world. You should come to church to participate in the community, not to hear the preacher.

So I write as Real Live Preacher, and I'm a real live preacher at my church. And I would like very much to keep these worlds apart.

I have prayed that God would show me the way, and the answer has come, as it often does, even as I have been writing these words. I began this essay with no answer and I am ending it with the only answer.

And the answer is this: I do not have the power to keep these worlds from colliding. They may collide or they may not. The power to control this has not been given to me.

The only thing I can do is be faithful with what HAS been given to me. Two things seem right to me. I want to shepherd this community of faith, and I want to write and be Real Live Preacher. Two things are clear, and these two things I will do.

I don't know what will happen. Five people from our church have found my blog, and, through a fantastic set of coincidences that is almost impossible to fathom, one person from the blog world has found our church.

Apparently, some decisions are being made that are above my pay grade. These decisions are out of my control, and, quite likely, none of my business.

The whole thing seems to be on a need-to-know basis.

rlp

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