Skyline Chili in Texas

I had this funny picture in my head of a freak-show barker shouting, "Come, See a Real Live Preacher".

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Skyline Chili in Texas

Well sir, I must admit the first time Amy Main, the beloved wife of Michael Main who is a pretty darn famous blogger now and a deacon at our church, tole me about this kinda "chili" they make up in Ohio, I was stupified and right suspicious.

Ya see, we Texans think we know a little somethin about chili. It oughta be red; it shouldn't have a lotta extra stuff floating around in it; it oughta be hot as the blazin fires of hades; and for the sake of all that's holy and good, keep your dadgum beans on your plate and don't go a-dumpin em in your bowl!

So when Miss Amy started in to tellin me about this here Cincinatti Chili, as she called it, I couldn't hardly believe what I was hearin. She said it ain't hot at all, nary a jalapeno in sight. Instead they fill it with nutmeg and all kindsa other spices and even beans. Now she was as cute as a baby bunny in a pea patch when she was telling me about it, but I couldn't keep from laughing at the thought of nutmeg floatin in a steamin bowl of Texas red.

Then when she tole me they serve it with dainty little half-sized weenies on the side and that they pour it over spaghetti, my mouth dropped open and my eyes started blinkin real fast. And when she further tole me they top it off with a double handful of somethin called "oyster crackers" scattered all over the top of it, I said, "Shush now!" and tried to shoo her out the door with my hat.

Folks, this Texas boy is trying his best to keep an open mind about Yankees, but you shore are taxin my patience.

But Miss Amy, well she generally lets her cookin speak for itself, so she just plopped a big ole plate of this "Skyline Chili" down in front of me and walked away. As Sam Houston is my witness, I tried to ignore it. I tried to keep my heart and my mind on the Dallas Cowboys playing there on the TV, but my eyes kept drifting back to that plate. Now my momma taught me to always respect a woman's cookin enough to give it a try, and I thought I owed it to Amy, who is after all a good friend even if she is from Ohio. And she was lettin me watch The Dallas Cowboys at her house; that's gotta count for somethin. So I cringed and stuck a spoonful in my mouth.

Mercy! Sweet horny toads and lightnin Jack, that there was the most DEE-licious mess a goodness this boy has put in his mouth in a long time. Help me sweet Jesus, I actually thought about making a trip to Ohio, wherever that is, just to find the place that invented this odd concoction of Yankee flavorings.

We Texans can be ornery sons-a-bitches - I got to own up to that. But this Texan knows when he's been licked. Now what's that thing the young people are always sayin? Oh yeah...