Another *Coming Out* Experience

I had this funny picture in my head of a freak-show barker shouting, "Come, See a Real Live Preacher".

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Another *Coming Out* Experience

I got back from Dallas last night just in time to go to church for our weekly supper and then watch the Spurs close out Denver in five games. Awesome! I do love the Spurs.

I mentioned that I was attending the annual Preaching Practicum at Wilshire Baptist Church in Dallas. That was partially true. I was asked to speak at this event. I was asked to speak about Real Live Preacher and about all of us who hang around here looking for meaning, inspiration, hope, help, whatever. That includes me, of course. I'm always looking for those things.

This was the first time that I've spoken publicly about Real Live Preacher, not counting the one book signing that I did at Viva Books in San Antonio. But I didn't really have much to say about RLP at that event. I don't even talk about Real Live Preacher at my church, apart from an occasional oblique reference to "my writing" or something like that. But Monday I stood before a gathering of my colleagues, baptist ministers from many places, and I told them the story of Real Live Preacher.

I started at the beginning and told them that I began this blog for utterly selfish reasons. I wanted to write honestly, and I wanted to do that precisely because being transparent is very hard for us ministers. We create an image for ourselves, or we let our parishes create that image for us. Having an image helps us survive, but the day inevitably comes when we don't know how to set that image aside.

I also told them that I've never done anything other than try to write well. I'm a writer here primarily, not a theologian, though I certainly deal with theological issues. I've never had any agenda for you either. I don't try to accomplish things or push agendas, Christian or otherwise. What I do is simple: I sing the song of myself. I write about whatever strikes my fancy, and I try to tell the truth. What I mean is, I try to tell the truth about what I think and feel. How often that lines up with some objective truth is a question that is WAY above my pay grade.

I talked about blogging. I talked about how I've come to cherish this "community" or "blog" or whatever you want to call it. I told them that blogs should not be seen as tools that can be used to connect with the world outside the church. Christians are always trying to "connect" with people outside the church and generally doing a spectacularly bad job of it. Read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" or "Martin Buber." The answer is there. Do not treat people as objects. Whatever you treat as an object or as a means to another end will always lose its value or quality.

I tried to explain what a deep sense of love I have for many of the people I've met in the two and a half years I've been writing Real Live Preacher, ESPECIALLY those who stand utterly and completely outside the traditional walls of the Church.

And I told them that I love writing and connecting with "you" more than I can express in words. I think I've found my vocation, and anyone who finds that is a fortunate soul indeed. Frederick Buechner says that your vocation is the intersection where your greatest desire meets the world's greatest need.

If that is true, I want to claim that Real Live Preacher may be my vocation for the next season of my life. Who can know things like this, though? All you can do is act in good faith and wait for guidance.

I was a little nervous about how they would receive me. I've felt a little isolated from the larger community of my Baptist minister colleagues because of Real Live Preacher. Let's face it, Real Live Preacher is not exactly your average Baptist Preacher. I have a folder filled with angry emails to prove that. I don't know if you can understand this, but it meant a lot to me that my friends in the faith were able to affirm what I do here. They gave me hugs and encouragement. They said, "We like what you're doing. Do it more."

It felt good. I may be a rather iconoclastic character, but I was raised in the church and having the affirmation of my faith community is a powerful thing for me.