P.J.: A Memoir
Chapter Nineteen
“Always remember others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.”
- Richard M. Nixon
On the first day of school, P. J. was waylaid and beaten up before he ever got to class. Benny came and took him home in response to a call from the school. P. J. stayed home for a couple of days and when he returned, Benny accompanied him all the way to the schoolroom. This time, P. J. was cornered at recess by bigger boys who called him “nigger-lover” and began shoving him around. P. J. tried to get away, but the boys blocked his escape. Finally, P. J. lost his temper and took a swing at “Atomic” Baum. Baum easily avoided the punch. P. J. saw Baum’s dirty fist coming at his face. It seemed to come very slowly, but there was nothing he could do to avoid it. The punch broke his nose and knocked him to the ground. The pack moved in. P. J. took a vicious kick to the stomach that knocked the breath out of him and left him croaking. He gradually lost consciousness beneath a barrage of blows before some teachers belatedly broke it up.
P. J. awoke in the hospital bandaged six ways from Sunday. He felt like he had been tackled by the defensive line of the Green Bay Packers. No matter what he did, it hurt…even breathing. He remembered the fight and began to cry, which hurt even more. Suddenly, Molly Kathleen was at his side, gently wiping his face with a cool cloth and making soothing sounds. In between sobs and groans, P. J. managed to talk.
“Duh-d-don’t m-make me go buh-back to school, Grandma. Please d-don’t make m-me!”
Molly Kathleen assured him that he would not have to go back and moved a short distance away so that a nurse could check his pulse. The nurse stroked his hand and smiled kindly.
“You’re going to be just fine and you can go home this afternoon. Now take this little pill and you won’t hurt so bad.”
The pill worked quickly and soon P. J. slept peacefully. When Benny and Sarah Effie arrived to take him home, he didn’t even stir. The next time he awoke, he was in his own bed at home and very thirsty. He tried to call out, but his throat was too dry and nothing came out but a weak croak. Painfully, he raised his hand and slapped the wall several times. Sarah Effie arrived quickly and he managed to communicate his thirst. His battered nose was clogged and he had been breathing through his mouth for hours.
Sarah Effie brought him a glass of water and his father. Benny held his son’s head up so he could drink the water and winced at the child’s obvious pain. When his throat cleared, P. J. spoke through sobs.
“Wh-why do th-they hate me?”
“They’re just a bunch of ignorant rednecks,” Sarah Effie responded. “Don’t worry about them. You just rest and get better.”
“I-I won’t have to g-go back there, will I?” There was desperation in P. J.’s eyes as he looked from his father to his mother.
Sarah Effie and Benny exchanged a look that made it obvious they had been arguing about the issue. P. J. continued to look pleadingly from one to the other. Finally, Benny reached over and laid a big hand on his son’s shoulder.
“We’re gonna work somethin’ out, son, don’t you worry about it.”
P. J. wanted details, but he could tell that there was a lot more discussion in store before his parents came to a decision. Meanwhile, Molly Kathleen had come into the room with a tray of cookies and milk. She shooed Sarah Effie and Benny out of the room and, with an air of triumph, produced a small silver bell.
“The next time you need something,” she said, “all you have to do is ring this bell and I’ll come running.”
P. J. tried to smile at her, but it hurt too much. The old lady fussed over him for a while, made sure he had a book to read, then left the room. P. J. tuned in on the increasingly boisterous discussion that was taking place downstairs.
“…can’t run away from your problems,” Sarah Effie was saying.
“If your problem’s liable to kill you,” Benny shot back, “then you better goddam well run away from it or it’ll be the last problem you ever have!”
“I still say he has to learn to face things like this or he’ll never grow up.” Sarah Effie was a synonym for stubborn.
“He’ll never live to grow up if we send him back to that school. The principal and teachers have already told us they can’t guarantee his safety. Well, who the hell can? You think I’m gonna sit with him all day and keep those Paradise Court scum away from him? You think that’s gonna help him grow up?” Benny was cold sober and as angry as P. J. had ever heard him.
“Well, maybe if we just move him over to Miller Elementary…” Sarah Effie didn’t sound as if she really believed this.
“No, goddammit, we’re gonna get the hell out of Manatee, Florida, that’s what we’re gonna do. I never did like this stinkin’ town or most of the people in it, either.”
“Indeed?” Sarah Effie’s voice defined contempt. “And just where are ‘we’ going? To your family’s vast estate in the Ozarks? That’ll be a big improvement!”
“You don’t know diddley-squat about my family, so don’t go gettin’ so goddam high-and-mighty.” Benny sounded like he was dangerously close to boiling over. “One of the many things you don’t know is that my brother is foreman of a ranch in Colorado. He’s been tryin’ to get me to come out there for years. I think this might be just about the right time to take him up on it.”
The eavesdropper’s heart rate speeded up dangerously.
“Colorado!” Sarah Effie shrieked. “What in God’s name is in Colorado?”
“Mountains, for one thing,” Benny said firmly. “I’m so sick of this flat-ass state I could puke purple peanut butter. That poor kid has never seen a hill any higher than he is.” Benny’s voice grew softer, almost wistful. “He’s ten years old and he’s never seen snow. He’s never breathed air that smells like the piney woods.”
“Well, what makes you think he wants to do all those things? Maybe he’s perfectly happy right here!”
P. J. had stood it as long as he could. He grabbed the little silver bell his grandmother had given him and rang it for all he was worth. It hurt him all over, but he kept ringing until his parents rushed breathlessly into his room. His eyes had hope in them.
“I wanna go to Colorado! Please! Oh, please! I wanna see mountains and snow and the piney woods and cowboys and horses and…and…oh, please can we go?”
Benny cocked an eyebrow at Sarah Effie.
“You weren’t supposed to be listening to us, young man,” she said sternly.
“Oh, c’mon,” said Benny, “how could he help but hear? Most of the neighbors probably heard us squallin’.”
Sarah Effie looked horrified.
“Besides,” said Benny, “it’s his life we’re talkin’ about here. He oughta have some say in it.”
Sarah Effie made a sound of disgust.
“He’s not old enough to know what he wants!”
That did it.
“Oh, yeah?” P. J. sputtered. “Oh, yeah? Well, I do so know what I want. I wanna see mountains and snow and piney woods and…and…Colorado!”
Sarah Effie was winding up to let P. J. have a high hard one for talking back, but a warning glare from Benny stopped her cold. She threw her hands in the air and left the room in an eight-cylinder huff. P. J. looked appealingly at his father.
“I didn’t mean to listen in, honest,” he said, “but I couldn’t help it. Can we really go to Colorado? Will Ma keep us from goin’?”
Benny sighed and grinned ruefully.
“I ‘spect we can work it out. Your Ma’ll probably come around, though it might take a spell. And if she doesn’t, well, hell, you ‘n me’ll just up and go without her!”
The thought of going to Colorado without his mother didn’t bother P. J. as much as he thought it should have. But there was someone else he really didn’t want to leave.
“D’you think Grandma might be able to come with us?”
“You really like that old lady, don’t you, son?” Benny’s voice was soft.
P. J. nodded emphatically and winced.
“Can’t say as I blame you.” Benny’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial level. “I wish she was my age. I druthera married her than her daughter! Boy howdy, I bet ol’ Molly Kathleen was a double-barreled pisser when she was just a pup!”
Benny started to chuckle and got a grin from P. J. Soon they were laughing quietly together, though it pained P. J. to do so.
“She’s getting’ kinda hobbled up,” Benny said, “but I bet she’d jump at the chance to get shut of this old house. Fact is, that mountain air might just do her rheumatiz a lotta good. Tell you what. I’ll mention it to her, but you’re gonna have to talk her into it. I bet she’d go to the ends of the earth for you.”
They heard the person in question making her slow way up the stairs. She entered the room and told P. J. it was time to take his pill. She fussed around the room while Benny and P. J. watched in amused silence. Then she seemed to grow several inches.
“Benjamin Bumgarner Dowd,” she announced. “I don’t know where you’re planning to take this child and I don’t really care as long as it’s away from here. But I’ll tell you one thing. You better plan on taking his grandmother, too. You hear me, Benjamin?”
“Yessum,” Benny feigned meekness. “We’ll work it out somehow.”
Molly Kathleen looked at the drowsy P. J., then back at Benny. She gave him a quick nod and marched from the room. Her bent back seemed straighter and her stride was firmer as she left. Benny winked at P. J. and gave him the thumbs-up.
“Tell me about Colorado and the mountains and the piney woods,” P. J. said dreamily.
Benny had never been to Colorado, so he called forth memories of his youth in the Ozarks. He spoke of cold, clear streams full of fish rushing down the hillsides. He spoke of the cool, crisp air that never made you feel like you were breathing underwater. He spoke of the silent snow falling like feathers to cover the piney woods.
Long before he finished talking, P. J. was asleep.
11:10:46 PM 
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