I'm in a mood, so I thought...
it would be a great time to start writing again. I'm frustrated, pissed off and utterly a wreck of emotions. Makes for interesting reading I guess?
The drive home was completely uneventful. I talked to her on the phone a couple of times and shared the experience with one of my co-workers who had called to check and see how it went.
I was flying high and felt that things were definately going in my direction. The impending doom and gloom was not anticipated or expected.
The next day was pretty normal. No e-mail from her because she hadn't gotten wired at her house yet. A late evening phone call and a short friendly chat took care of my "fix" for the day.
The next day shit completely fell apart. Talking on the phone was normal, but she was starting to feel some pressure to let people in on her secret "boyfriend" from out of town. Given her father's past indiscretions she was starting to get a bit itchy. Had she had e-mail we could have straightened everything out and what happened next would never had occurred.
I started to freak a little. I was afraid of losing her. I kept making the conversation we had something it was not and my imagination got the better of me. I tried to call several times that evening and never got through. I left a couple of voice mails and hoped she would get back to me.
In the mean time my wife came home and started quizzing me. What's wrong? Is it something with me...etc.. Then she said, "is it something with us?" I said yes.
Could I have been any bigger of a dumb ass? Nope, don't think it is possible. I basically told her that I was not happy with our marriage and was thinking about getting out of it. No reasons, no excuses, just out. I think that had I shot myself in the balls I would have fared better!!
I was for some reason confident that once my "girlfriend" heard that we had "the talk" (which by the way she had been encouraging), that she would want me to be with her.. Wrong-a-fuckingain!!! I was two for two and hadn't even gotten past three days leaving my "girlfriend's" house. After several calls and hearing that "she didn't want to get involved in my shit". I started making plans on how to fix this mess.
Oh and by the way, in case you were wondering, I'm still trying to fix it.
To make the story even more stupendous, this all happened exactly one week before Christmas. That part of the story is next, and it is not pretty.
6:13:21 PM 
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