Everybody has a dirty little secret.
(written in early Jan)
There is one thing that is for certain, there is no such as thing a perfect relationship. I think we are learning this every day. It's funny really. We all know that people have problems in their relationships or marriages as the case may be, but I would have never guessed how many people are carrying around the dirty little secret.
Infidelity, an affair an extra-marital relationship, whatever you want to call it seems to be hiding in the closets of many people. I guess the difference is how each person wants to handle it. Most people never bring it up until you have a dirty little secret of your own.
It seems that as soon as that comes out people are willing to share their experiences. I know more than I wanted to know about people that I thought I knew.
A friend of mine shared with me that at about the same age and the same number of years in a relationship the same thing happened to him. Well sort of. His affair was a bit longer and dealt with greater amounts of sex. But still.. I knew he was probably capable of it and wondered if it was something that he had done. Well sure enough he had…
I guess he managed to come out of it relatively unscathed. He has a couple of kids and has been with his wife for close to 20 years. Shit that seems like a long time.
His response to me was, listen you've got to take into account the years you have together and decide if that is something you are willing to throw away. He has a point, though I can't remember the last time I was happy. I think it sometime around the honeymoon in Europe.
I have always been happy in Europe. I've spent some of the best times of my life there. I love the culture, the atmosphere, the attitudes, and that is in France too. I've never had a problem fitting in. I like to dress the part and act like I belong there. My French is not great, so I make a habit of not talking too much. Makes pretending that much easier.
So after a two-week trip to France we pretty much jumped right back into our old routine. It was one that we had perfected in the many years that we had been together. Basically it consisted of me working out and cooking while she cleaned and took care of the house.
This actually worked for us. We are perfect roommates. Share the bills and chores and have sex at least once a month. Make pancakes on Saturday morning and that is about it.
It is funny how people think that this is an ideal relationship. Most are none the wiser of all the problems that are currently occupying most of our waking hours. Ah yes, the specter of fucking around. Happens all the time. Or so I've found.
We had agreed not to tell some of our friends about our situation. Unfortunately liquor does strange things to people who are 5'2" weigh less than 110 pounds. Besides making the person sick it also loosens up the lips. The beans got spilled. I'm sure most of the town will know about what is going one before long. Sucks but there is not much that we can do about it now.
The one saving grace may be that our friend was also heavily lubricated as well. Turns out she had an affair and her husband does not know. Who would've thunk it? Again the dirty little secret rears its ugly head. Like I said when you have something to share everybody else seems to have to relate.
In a twist to it all, one of the friends that my wife has confided in for quite some time also had an affair. The difference was that it was with a woman. Hmm, don't know that I would necessarily have a problem with that. But I suppose another person is another person right? I think some people are intimidated by that because it provides something that a person of the opposite sex cannot provide. I'm speculating here, but that's what I heard.
Through all this I've come to be quite cynical about all of this. Basically I look at the world in the sense that everyone is fucking some one. It just so happens that a lot of the people getting fucked aren't married to the people they are fucking.
I denied that it really happened. Even when I was doing I didn't think much of it. After I wigged out and confessed all of my sins I realized that it was possible. And then to cap it all, in two weeks I learn that most of the people I know have done it too. Shit it seems everyone is doing it, or least has done it.
I guess that the dirty little secret club is not really that exclusive. Somewhat comforting I suppose. I think all that it means is that I'm human after all.
9:03:09 AM 
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