Can't get you out of my head..
(Sometime in Early Jan)
Oh Kylie Minogue, your annoying little pop song has so much meaning to me now. I guess it hasn't really been that long. Actually only a couple of days since I last had contact with her. It is still in my blood.
My heart still jumps when my mobile phone rings. I look at the display and realize that it is not her. I mean I know it is not going to be, but I still wish that she missed me as much as I missed her. If she does she certainly doesn't do anything about it. It is probably best that way.
Going to work is an absolutely painful experience. I managed to remove the pictures, e-mails, business cards, numbers and anything else that she had given me. Unfortunately I can't help but to look at the computer every time I log on and look at the e-mail know again there will be nothing there.
Most of our conversations took place when I was either on my way to or from work, and at lunch. Well I can't exactly avoid those times can I. Fuck; I about dialed the number on the way home from work today. I really trying not be an ass, and I'm not doing a very good job of it.
I wrote this long e-mail professing my love, which did not go over quite as expected. I figured she would see me as a hopeless romantic and fall for me. Did I mention I wasn't trying to be an ass? I might as well have had furry ears and a tail. Sometime I wonder when my impulsiveness will be rewarded?
To add insult to injury, I managed another masterpiece on New Year's eve. Basically it was my lame attempt at trying to tell her that I was moving on. I had to talked to my still married friend who had the year-long affair the night before and was pumped up like a junior exec who just returned from a Tony Robbins seminar. I confidently logged on and pumped out my e-mail. I thought it would make me feel better. It did until she responded.
You could practically hear the air go out of my overinflated ego. I was like, I am strong there is nothing you can say or do that will change this. Then the reply was I did like you, but you wanted to move to fast. Besides it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. See you later. Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst. I was left as a limp little boy. I was hardly able to get out of my chair.
So then I had to act happy that I was going to friends wedding that evening. That is another chapter all together. I have never been more cynical.
The memories will hopefully eventually fade. IF they do then I can begin to work on something that resembles a relationship. If they don't then I am basically screwed.
Transparent.
I think that some secrets are good to have. I wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with no secrets. I guess I know now. I've basically spilled my guts about every sin I committed since the beginning of time. Relationship confessional. It would be easier if I could just do a couple of laps of the rosary and be done with it. Unfortunately I'm not catholic or for that matter particularly religious, so I guess I can't really count on that.
8:11:06 AM 
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