Thursday, February 13, 2003

Premature Premature is generally not a good term when discussing much of anything. Being born premature is a dangerous thing. Premature ejaculation is the bane of a lot of poor teenagers and chronic masturbaters. Premature commitment in a relationship might be just as bad, just as surprising, and amazingly just as messy if not messier. I’m guilty of being premature. I hang my head in shame at it. I can’t help it. It easy to get so excited and then blam!!! No, no, I’m talking about premature commitment, get your head out of the gutter!! I think it is common in these online relationships. I’m borrowing some of the following ideas, but I’ll take credit for them anyway. How easy is it? Answer a personal ad and find out. Of course it might take you a couple of tries, but soon you’ll find someone that you click with. Then what, well let me try to walk you through the stages. One caveat, I'm not the most experienced but, my experiences with it have since been confirmed by the accounting firm of Toilet and Douche, and several other random people. Make an ad and put your best picture and witty description online. If you are lucky enough to not have to lie about your looks or weight or age then lucky you!! Just don’t expect the same from the people who answer. If you looked better 3 years and 50 pounds ago put that picture up. No one will notice I’m sure. If they do explain you recently took up job as the donut tester for Krispy Kreme. You can either wait for some one to click on you (easier if you’re a woman) or click on someone who is attractive. Some people go for the descriptions, but if the picture isn’t good it really doesn’t matter. Shallow? sure, but we are looking for love right? What do you want to roll over next too? Somebody interesting replies back and it is time to put on your best face/faces. When you click with someone it is magical. When you don’t, you know immediately. Ok, so you’ve clicked now what? Basically you kill lots of time at work. Instant Messaging is a great thing. Everything that it sent is put through the thought filter. It is always the right thing to say because you have time to think before you send it. You turn your feelings loose because you have nothing to lose. This is especially true if the person is in another town or state. You begin to trade pictures. It usually gets more risque’ the further along you go. You may even find yourself hiding your hairy palms or running to Wal Mart late at night for batteries. You will eventually talk on the phone. If it doesn’t go well, rinse and repeat step 1. If it does go well, then that will take most of the time before and after work. You may have phone sex, which obviously means that you are perfectly sexually compatible. You then begin to believe that beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was fated that you met. You fall hopelessly in love and begin to make crazy ass plans for the future. You forget that you just met this person and not even face to face. You forget that you have probably lied to make yourself sound better, and of course the object of your affection would never do that. When the meeting takes place it will be awkward. If you don’t drink, now is a good time to start. If the person is a toad, try, try again. If it is everything you expect. Remember the things you said to get this person to meet you and then wonder if they told the whole truth. Realize that the person that you met is not everything you thought. Get you heart broken, fuck up your life and spend lots of money on therapy. Or you could just get married. After all deductables and co-pays suck. Okay, so I’m a bit jaded. But honestly a lot of it goes that way. When you fall, you fall hard. Am I completely over it?, a long way from it. Did I really know my IM girlfriend? Well I knew what she wanted me to know. She certainly didn’t know everything about me. Be careful folks, it is a jungle out there.   5:59:28 PM    []

Somedays I find it hard.... to come up with something to write about. It is not that I don't have anything to write about, it is just that it doesn't seem terrribly important. I generally like to get inspired to write. It is hard to inspired to write when most of your inspiration is gone. It is not always like this. I can't explain what drives me to write sometimes. Other times is seems blindingly clear. Whatever, right? Yeah I know I'm rambling on a bit but I feel like I'm allowed that every once in a while. I appreciate the comments that some of you have posted. Others seem quite dissapointed that I've not completely collapsed or been castrated. Sorry folks, it is not like that. Therapy is going quite well it seems that I learn something new every time. I'll write about that next. Right now? I have to get my coffee and go to work. Hope the title didn't confuse you..... 9:26:48 AM    []

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