And yet another voice
Tonight I am pleased to introduce a local friend of mine. She tells me that
she has a lot to say that is just waiting to be let out, so I am hoping this
is the first of many postings from her. If you would like to hear more also,
leave comments and I’m sure she’ll oblige (and I think you’ll
find something to comment about!).
My story
Open your eyes to the world and find the great magnificence. Simple realities
become nothing more than illusions. Inner feelings of self, societal norms,
religious beliefs all combine to create who we are. Now ask yourself this one
question. What is normal? Well the truth is very different than what most people
think. Normal is what 51% of the people who are asked “think” it
is. Shifting whom you ask, shifts normal.
Now I am sure you are asking yourself why this simple fact is important. Well
the truth is, it means everything and nothing in the same instance. To someone
like myself it is the difference between a quiet dinner out with friends or
a drastic change of address to the local morgue. Extreme-- it is.
I am nothing more than myself. I do not infect children with mental disorders
nor pervert the world. I am a quiet person who has lived, as others believe
I should have. I graduated high school, went to college, served my country in
the armed forces, joined the local VFW, married a women I fell in love with,
had three wonderful children, and now divorced I raise my children as a single
parent without the benefit of child support. I haven’t even been arrested
or accused of a crime in my life, not even a parking ticket.
So why do I fear the retaliation of the law and other good god-fearing people?
Well that is a simple matter. I am a transsexual. I was born a male. I tried
to earn my right of freedom to be myself by doing what others expected of me.
So now I should have the right to live free: only in my dreams is it the reality
of the matter. Transgendered people are persecuted on a daily basis in most
of the world. Very few countries give us the allowances to live a free life
in the manner we feel most comfortable. In the land of the free we are still
fighting for the basic rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Few states give us any rights at all. Florida where I live recognizes we have
few rights. What I find interesting is most professional psychologists and psychiatrists
who work with transsexuals do not consider our situation as a mental illness.
The simple fact is, surgery altering the physical body to conform with the mental
gender is the only effective and proven solution to our plight. But surgery
is not covered by most insurance companies so many of us struggle for years
to earn the funds.
Now I know many people can’t relate to my dilemma. Some have even asked
me how I know this is right for me. My response has always been simple. When
you close your eyes you know who you are. When you look in the mirror you see
yourself. So I know myself as you know yourself. I am not a women trapped in
a man's body. I am me stuck in a testosterone-poisoned cage and I want to escape
into the world as myself to live my life as I see fit.
Growing up I had very few male friends; not that they were not present in my
little corner of the world but for some reason I had trouble relating to their
personalities and desires. My best friends were girls. Always the girls. We
would play games, swim, laugh and talk about our dreams. Always the girls, such
was my world throughout life. I can enjoy emotionally charged conversations,
laugh at my mistakes and yes guys I do ask directions.
My only misdirection was when they started talking about how cute this guy
was and that guy. I found myself to be uninterested, not caring about the subject
and finding myself staying to the more fanciful dreams of clothes, a home, and
children. I always liked pretty things. Colors that softened and relaxed ones
spirit. Scents pleasant and sweet. Chocolate rules, it calmed my fears and quieted
my emotions. My friends questioned who I was becoming. I was asked if I was
gay. Teased as if there was no more tomorrow and cast into the lonely singular
depth of sorrow. I could find female friends in a heartbeat but none who cast
their gaze towards me as a possible soul mate.
I wondered where I fit into the scheme of creation. My concept of god changed
from a loving father figure to a contemptuous jerk whom played dirty little
tricks on people like me for his amusement. So I learned to hide who I was in
life so that others would not see his greatest mistake. I turned hard and quiet--not
talking to others of my dreams and ideals. Girl friends walked to other genetic
females leaving me alone with my thoughts. I walked the path of the male listening
to the few things that made sense to me and found not friends to share with
but testosterone poisoned shells who viewed women as little more than living
sperm depositories who were placed on this earth to mettle in the lives of the
hard working Joe Male.
KBH
5:33:45 PM 
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