Since KBH’s first post last Tuesday, the questions have been circulating.
Her experience is certainly different than mine (and probably yours also). I have
the advantage that she is a friend of mine and we have discussed these issues
over dinner and at some of our local BL group outings. I look in her eyes and
see who she really is, and not just the way she was born. You will just have to
imagine the person behind her words. Today, she answers some of your questions
and tells us a bit more about her life:
In response to your questions.....
Are you interested yet? All trans people are not alike. There are great variations
in the transgender community and this will hopefully educate you on a few of
the variations. For the purposes of this article we will discuss trans persons
in two different categories using a few easy to follow identifications.
The first category is listed as a transvestite. (Usually referred
to in the community as Cders, Cross-dressers, and Queens--Queens are normally
only in reference to homosexual cross-dressing males, whereas Kings are female.)
These persons can be either heterosexual or homosexual. The general idea is
that some form of thrill/release is obtained by dressing in the guise of the
opposite gender. These people normally do not pursue a permanent change that
would make it difficult for them to live in their natural gendered day-to-day
lives. Instead, prosthetics are used to form their bodies into a more feminine/
masculine appearance (wigs, breast-forms, binders, etc). Also the style of dressing
is pretty uniform overall. Clothing is normally out of style or bold in nature
over-compensating and flourishing the nature of appearance. Not something most
women or men would wear on a day-to-day basis. The biggest things to remember
are these are guys or gals with temporary aspects of appearance generated from
the use of prosthetics to add the gender characteristics. Very few have anything
permanently altered.
The second category is transsexuals. Transsexuals are individuals
who are said to be extremely gender dysphoric--not accepting themselves in the
gender of their birth. I just happen to be part of this category. We are few
and far between in this world, somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 out of every
300,000 people will be transsexual. Because of this we do not have a large population
to affect change in the world so that we are accepted and/or protected as the
case may be from those who believe they have the right to change who we are.
We feel as if we were not meant to be the gender in which we were born. It is
that simple. Our lives normally revolve around a modified gender role that is
more skewed toward the gender of choice than that of birth. I say gender of
choice only to identify it from that of birth. I do not feel as if I have chosen
myself to be transsexual and would not wish it on anyone else. I have fought
for years to be recognized as the person I feel I am, and I believe if parents
of transsexuals allowed then to transition at a young age this would never be
the case in their lives. They would be able to transition with greater effectiveness
and not have to deal with the extensive trouble a later in life transition affords.
Most transsexuals seek a change in sex to one extent or the other. I wish to
transition fully to a final end were as I will be seen and treated as a female
no matter what the situation. Yes guys, you can wince but I would just smile
and be happy. Transsexuals do permanently change the physical aspects of their
body to the gender they most feel comfortable with. This is done with the introduction
of hormone therapy--estrogen for male to female and testosterone for female
to male. We develop the secondary sexual characteristics of the desired gender
and have the characteristics of the past changed and removed surgically–therefore
developing a physical appearance that would stand close scrutiny even when wearing
what some would refer to as their birthday suits. Our sexual orientation is
independent of our gender identity. I am attracted to females alone. I have
spent too much time listening to and living with men to respect them in general.
But this is me. Others are attracted to those they are attracted to. Most female
to male transsexuals are generally attracted to females. Male to female transsexuals
are a bit different and sexual attraction is more based on their past desires.
As to presentation and public dress, transsexuals are very different from transvestites.
We try and blend into our gender role. Most of us are not seen as the gender
of birth due to the large amounts of hormones we take to alter our physical
appearance. Male to female transsexuals who are taking a regulated and monitored
regime of hormones are not functional as a male. If you check national and world
statistics you will find no references to sexual predators ever being transsexual
because the male sex drive is reduced to almost zero. Attraction becomes emotional
instead of hormonal. Most of us pass well as the gender of choice within a few
months of hormones. I live as a female most of the time. I do not present a
danger to any female based on the information above. And I do not look or pursue
persons for relationships without full disclosure of my gender status and intentions
first--it would be unethical for me to live or represent myself any other way
while pursuing a personal relationship.
As for children I have three of my own. Yes I knew I was trans before I had
children. Now I am sure you ask yourself why did I have them then, and the answer
was I wanted children, Yes wanted, planned, and now I raise my children without
the benefit of child support from my ex wife. She was fully aware of my gender
status prior to our getting married and yes I waited to start hormones so I
could have children of my own. Now I also can guess the next thing that is going
through your mind. What do the kids think, well that is a tricky thing to ask?
First the kids have known I was trans from day one. I never hid it from them
and they have grown up knowing. They even called me mommy on their own until
some good deed doer contacted the Florida department of children and families.
They told the Florida DCF that I was a trans and my children were confused about
who I was … I have to admit this really fired me up. For one thing I would
never confuse my children, I am me and they know it. I am their parent I am
always here no matter what the situation. My children are my first priority
in my life. I provide a safe loving home for them, read stories, wash clothes,
cook three or more meals a day, kiss their little cuts and bruises: but some
god loving person thought that I was a bad influence and reported me to DCF,
even said I should send them all to counseling because of it. Now as it just
happens, I went to college. I do hold a few degrees and yes I mean a few. A
couple of them happen to be in psychology. When you as a person are told that
your child needs counseling by someone who has no background in psychology never
mind an advanced degree you have the obligation to make appropriate comments.
You look into their eyes and tell them to go buy an education or bring back
someone who has the credentials to make a proper determination. It shuts them
the hell up fast especially when the sheepskins are boldly hung on the wall
behind you. They haven’t been back since which means several years. Yes
my house is clean, my children are well adjusted, they have friends and their
friends know also. Children who are not well adjusted or properly loved and
allowed to grow and maturate will have trouble with the transition. But mine
no, they were properly prepared without prejudices throughout life to understand
that variations are present in the world and different is also good. It gives
the world its flavor (cultural diversity.) My children do everything every other
child does and more. They do fight among themselves as all siblings do. They
also participate in multiple organized activities to include soccer, basketball,
dance, fencing, karate, drama clubs, and regularly attend a progressive church
as well as enjoy sailing, archery, playing with friends, amusement parks and
family camping. Hard thing being the kids of a transsexual isn’t it? I
do attend mother-daughter events and father-son events. My ex hasn’t been
an active part of my children’s lives in five years, so being a single
parent means I fill both roles and I know I do it better than most single moms
or single dads can.
--KBH
7:58:20 PM 
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