Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Wave of Pain I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Mine was filled with hopes of repairing what's left of my house (destroyed by fire on Feb.20, 2004). Regardless, I've suddenly started to feel the "wave of pain" from my recent breakup. In the beginning, I tend to focus on the negatives that led to the breakup but then forgiveness sets in and reality cuts like a knife. Mentally, I'm surrounded by the positives. I can't help but think of all the great times we had. Meeting her, falling in love with her, endless nights making love, falling asleep with her, waking up in her arms, touching her face, etc. There's a lot to be said in the "etc" but why torture myself? Five years of our lives building something that collapsed in the end. I want to scream, I want to cry and I want to break things. Pain can be so ugly. So, I'll write it out, I'll cry it out and if push comes to shove then I'll scream it out. I've got that funky feeling in my chest and that tear in my eye. In the past, when the pain was just too much to bear I'd break down and call her. We'd spend hours talking it all out and we'd try again but this time I keep telling myself that I'm done with it. It's time to deal with the loss because I'm not angry anymore. I'll keep myself busy, I'll cry when there's no use fighting it, I'll miss her regardless of the negatives and I'll never stop wondering just what became of her. The "Wave of Pain" is here and there's no running from it. It's crashing full force into the heart that still holds her as it's own. She's not calling, she's not e-mailing, she's not coming over, she is non-existent in my life but she's still there and I can't stand missing her.....It cuts like a knife! --Izzy 7:27:38 PM    comment []