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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Take Me Out to the Branded Ball Game

Next season, the Chicago White Sox will start their weeknight home games at 7:11pm as part of a sponsorship deal with 7-Eleven convenience stores.

Allow me to cut-and-paste from the October 11th StarTribune:

"It's great to be part of a winning team," 7-Eleven spokeswoman Margaret Chabris said of the Sox, who failed to make this year's playoffs after winning the World Series last year.

"It's not gimmicky," she said. "We're adding value to fans' time."

Sorry, Margie, but you put the 'not' in the wrong place. It's a figure 1A gimmick. And you are not adding any sort of value to the fans' time. But as a fellow advertising executive, er, I mean, Value Adder and Purveyor of Consumer Information, I will have to admit it is clever.

So clever that there are a number of other companies giving MLB teams the high and inside sales pitch. Such as:

Kool-Aid: Whenever a relief pitcher is called in, they're required to burst through the outfield fence and shout "Ohhh yeaaahhhh!"

Trojan: Condoms will be provided to players reaching third base. And the pitcher's rubber will now be ribbed for mutual pleasure.

Schwab Investments: The return on T-Bills will be determined by Barry Bonds batting average.

20th Century Real Estate: Home plate will be shaped like a 4BR/3BA rambler with 2 fplcs, breakfast nook and big backyard.

CBS: Any team in a city that has a CSI spin-off set there will require the ump to dust home plate for fingerprints.

PepsiCo: Pop flies will now be called 'Mountain Dew Baja Blast Xtreme flies'.

Milton Bradley: A's outfielder Milton Bradley will receive $200 every time he passes home plate.

Burger King: The King will bat clean-up for the Kansas City Royals.

My guess is your first reaction is to laugh at how ridiculous these ideas sound and then immediately go "Hmmm...". If you've been surprised that ballparks are starting to look more and more like NASCAR drivers' jumpsuits, don't be. After all, our national pasttime's anthem has been giving a plug for 'peanuts and Cracker Jacks' for decades now.

11:15:04 PM Say it don't spray it... []