Friend or Parent?
That is a question that can cause many, many arguments between parents. Even worse, it’s a question that if not addresses early on in the child’s life, could prove troublesome down the road.
I have this problem with my ex, along with my two best friends. One is till married, one separated. Here’s what happens. My children’s father doesn’t want to discipline, he doesn’t want them upset with him. He wants them to like him and enjoy being with him. To achieve this goal, he has no structure at his house. When the children come home we spend two days (at least) re-teaching them to be polite, respectful and live within the boundaries of necessary rules.
I’m not saying I run a military-esque household. Far from it. I’m talking about asking for something and saying please. Sitting at the table and eating like a human being and not the animal of the week. About accepting that they will not always get exactly what they want when they want it. Bed times are enforced. Respecting adults.
Basic values that I think need to be learned and can be learned at the ages my children are. On the surface it may not seem like much and since their father tends to spend the weekend in other parts of the house from him, the behavior may not bother him much. But the implications of teaching children that they do not have to follow rules, they do not necessarily have to listen to what you say and follow your directions or even dictates is dangerous at the very least.
What happens when my ex, or my girlfriend’s husband, or any parent, decides that at age 12 their child needs to follow a certain rule. Say, a curfew, or no drugs, or no drinking, or you have to do homework before you can play your Playstation. Are they going to listen? Will they take him seriously?
Why should they? They’ve done whatever they want in the past, why would they take their discipline now seriously. This can cause problems all over the family. Some of the following could occur: the child resents the disciplining parent simply because they have the child’s best interests at heart, the child learns no boundaries and can more easily fall into serious trouble, the relationship between the “friend” parent and child can become extremely strained by a sudden change in discipline later in the child’s life.
Most parents are not out to cause their children problems. They want them happy, they feel guilty if they cause their child sadness or anger. What they don’t do is consider what these actions can cause down the road.
12:16:20 PM 
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