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Thursday, February 20, 2003
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BEWARE THE TERROR SHIPS! The propaganda attempt to find a "smoking gun" in Iraq has plunged to new depths, with the building brouhaha over a phantom trio of Iraqi ships in the Indian Ocean, allegedly carrying Saddam Hussein's horde of WMD. So far, the Navy hasn't found anything, but they continue to search for proof that Saddam Hussein has the same dramatic flair as Cobra: After all, who other than Destro would think of something so ridiculous?
Who's your favorite philosopher, "President" Bush? Tony Blair is going to have a private audience with the Pope, allegedly to bring Christ's Vicar on Earth around to the position that firing thousands of missiles at a civilian population in a strategy called "shock and awe" is the best way to bring about world peace. Good luck, Tony! Just don't bring along any more grad thesis papers from 1991! Meanwhile, Bush continues to refuse to meet with any US church leaders who oppose the war (only the Southern Baptists support it). Wasn't this the guy who said during the campaign that his favorite philosopher was Jesus Christ, because "He changed my heart"?
Enough, already. Now there is a nationwide campaign to rename french fries! I am getting incredibly sick of this France-bashing. If one more idiot talks about how they'd all be speaking German if it weren't for us, I'm going to scream. If it weren't for THEM, we'd all be speaking with British accents, driving on the wrong side of the road, and buggering each other in unisex prep schools, damn it! If the French (and the Spanish) hadn't done most of our fighting for us in the Revolution, do you think George Washington's army of poorly-equipped hillbillies would have stood a chance against Britain? I don't drink wine and I don't particularly care for French cheese, but I'm going to http://www.fromages.com and ordering a huge hunk of camembert. After work, I'm going to buy two bottles of the most expensive beaujolais I can get and toast the health of Jacques Chirac and that farmer who's always smashing up McDonald's. I'm GLAD that someone has nominated Chirac for the Nobel Peace Prize. A conservative no 'count before all this, he's now looking like one of the only true statesmen in the contemporary world. Allons enfants de la patrie, etc.
- Consider Arms
3:58:14 PM 
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Terror Ships? Terror Ships! The British media is reporting that "US and British intelligence sources" report three ominous ships, listing around international waters while maintaining radio silence, that are reputed to contain Saddam's entire vast arsenal of prohibited weapons of mass destruction! This looks like a job for Superman!
There have been a lot of these stories since September 11: high school student wears political t-shirt to school, has free speech rights violated by administration. At least in this case, unlike one in Ohio, the principal didn't call the Secret Service.
"Quit While You're Ahead" Alert: Antiwar organizers are planning a March 5 "moratorium" to protest the war in Iraq, which will include "work stoppages and traffic blockades." Not a good idea, folks. (A) Millions of Americans oppose this war and are willing to demonstrate that opposition in public (B) Very few people are willing to engage in these tactics, at least for now. Let's save the general strike bullshit for the indefinite future, shall we?
This is a great idea! Use the military to spread pro-US propaganda throughout the world? Brilliant! Wait - didn't they say 10 months ago that they weren't going to do this? Oh, those crafty Rumsfeldians! You never know what they're gonna do next!
- Consider Arms
11:20:07 AM
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Government Hits $6.4 Trillion Debt Limit
Yup, those tax cuts for the rich are paying for themselves already. Trickle, trickle, trickle! And this is only going to get worse – the economy will get worse as we head off to war, the unemployed will be – um – less employed. And the budget plan? It doesn’t include the total cost of the Iraq war and nothing whatsoever earmarked for Afghanistan. That’s like planning your own personal budget and not including money for rent in it. At least we have freedom fries to be thankful for!
- Marcus-Marcus
10:16:05 AM
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Yee-haw! It's time once again to survey the raw, unfiltered news direct from the Associated Press, before the New York Times gets a chance to screw it up! As always, people who think either (a) I make this up or (b) I get it all from web sites with names like masonicconspiracy.com can find it all at http://www.ap.org.
The Big News: Turkey is stalling a decision over locating 80,000 US troops there in what is basically an international relations version of extortion. Turkey wants a $30 billion payoff while the Bush gang is only offering $20 billion (which in itself is much more than the original $4 billion offer). The Turkish government's dilemma is compounded by the fact that a recent poll shows 94 percent of the population against war with Iraq. That's right: 94 percent. That's close to the margin of error, folks; theoretically, as much as 99 percent are actually opposed. What doesn't get reported by the AP is that, to sweeten the deal, the US has promised to allow Turkey to invade northern Iraq and massacre the Kurdish people.
The Roundup: A military plane crashed in Pakistan hours after an Iranian military plane crashed near Pakistan. . . Syria, which according to Undersecretary of State John Bolton will replace Iraq in the Axis of Evil, has pulled more troops out of Lebanon. . . It looks like Hugo Chavez is settling some scores, Godfather-style, in Venezuela now that the strike is broken. One of the strike leaders was abducted from a Caracas restaurant by masked, armed men. . . MILF, the unintentionally hilariously named Philippine Muslim guerrilla group has stepped up attacks on Christian civilians in the wake of a draft armistice proferred by the government . . . More suicide attempts by "terrorism detainees" at Guantanamo Bay, bringing the total to 19. . . Gangs of armed Liberian dope fiends had "intervened" in the Ivory Coast's civil war, apparently meaning that they are looting and slaughtering civilians at random. . . Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst had his heart broken this week by Britney Spears, who declared on MTV that the portly 32 year old "isn't my type." I must end here, for my tears are beginning to short-circuit my keyboard.
- Consider Arms
9:48:21 AM
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© Copyright 2003 Marc Hatfield.
Last update: 02/28/2003; 9:38:59 AM.
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