Monday, March 10, 2003

Your opinion is important to Senator Frist. . . Well, not really Bill Frist, the saintly doctor who replaced Trent Lott as Senate Majority Leader, yanked a poll down from his official web site when the number of anti-war votes vastly exceeded the pro-war votes. Now, as I have said before, online polls have absolutely no validity, but it's funny that Frist wouldn't have been prepared for the count to go against him. Incidentally, he blamed the whole thing on hackers which, if true, would mean an unprecedented breach in congressional IT security. From our "They're Still Doing That?" Department Remember that panel the government was going to set up to find out what happened on September 11? Remember how everyone lost interest once Kissinger resigned? Well, as it turns out, six of the 10 commissioners work for the very companies they're going to be investigating. Former Illinois Gov. Jim Thompson, for example, works for a firm that represents both American and United airlines. "I've got tremendous faith in the credibility, integrity and the honesty of the commissioners and because we know the whole world will be watching," Thompson says. Well, I guess that settles that. Top 30 Bush Lies About Iraq It must have been hard to narrow it down to only 30. How about "Operation Mindcrime," a la Queensryche? I can't believe they are seriously spending time trying to think of a good name for the coming war with Iraq. Your tax dollars are being well spent. - Consider Arms 3:19:46 PM    comment []

Listen to your mother Back in the day, Mom wouldn't let me watch Roadrunner cartoons because she thought they were too violent (of course I ended up seeing every episode any ways). While I've successfully made it through a number of relationships without a single restraining order, it turns out that Mom was right. Go Mom. Bush's favorite reality show We all know how much fun Dubya likes to have with our nation's inmates, but that pesky Constitution keeps him from harvesting their organs or making them sing for their freedom. Russia, however, cares not for such minor details. What a boring way to spend eternity British psychics Craig and Jane Hamilton-Parker, in a new British television show to air today, claim that the late Princess Diana is "having fun" in the afterlife and spends her time hanging with Mother Teresa. With all respect due to the Mother T, she'd be the last person I'd want to lounge on a cloud with. My posthumous posse would consist of Marvin Gaye on the mic, Scott La Rock on the decks, John Coltrane on the horn, and John Bonham on the drums. - M.C. No Shame 12:43:14 PM    comment []

Does this creep anyone else out? I know this guy is the President of Terrorism and everything, but do we really need the CIA to interrogate his 9 and 7 year old sons? What the hell information could a 7 year old possibly provide? Synchronicity Alert 23 women were arrested at a protest in front of the White House, including Alice Walker, author of "The Color Purple." GOP Vote-buying scandal in North Carolina What?! In the very heartland of America's patriotic side dish-renaming country? Apparently, the vote buying was so obvious that one woman asked a clerk where she could get paid for her vote - and the clerk pointed her to Republican HQ across the street! I guess Cubbie's might want to think of renaming them "fraud fries" now. Good evening, Mr. PresidentDid anyone else think it was weird when, during his news conference on Thursday, Bush said "This is scripted" and the press corps laughed nervously? Perhaps that's because the whole thing WAS scripted, as this USA Today article shows. God, can the American press corps possibly sink any lower? For those unlikely to support Jay Z's brave stance on war This site claims to be the "voice" of America's military, police, and firefighters. That is news to the "West Wing"-loving volunteer firefighters I've talked to. Today's feature: A poll to vote on "What Offends You More": John Walker Lindh, Jane Fonda (!), "College Student War Protestors (sic)," or "Celebrity War Protestors (sic)." What? I can't choose "Stupid pro-war web sites"? 12:12:48 PM    comment []

I forgot to include, in my wrap-up of what the critics were saying about Bush's news conference, this bit of unintentional hilarity from Newsweek's Howard Fineman: "He was grim, somber, inexorable. He was Shane, the reluctant cowboy, strapping on a gun to protect his family." Yes, gentle readers, a man with a job at a weekly newsmagazine actually said this. And if we're talking about the movie "Shane," doesn't Bush's behavior remind you more of the Jack Palance character, who forces the farmer to pick up the gun so Palance has an excuse to shoot him? -Consider Arms, Reluctant Cowboy 11:40:08 AM    comment []

YOU READ IT HERE FIRST! The "deadline" for war with Iraq looks like March 17, which we reported weeks ago. Psychic? Perhaps. Or perhaps we just saw a story in a New Zealand paper quoting that country's Prime Minister on the likelihood of war by that date. Whatever the case, the Associated Press (http://www.ap.org) has not reported on our extraordinary foresight, but they do have lots of other things to say today. To wit: The Big News: North Korea's "middle child" behavior continues, as it test-fires another missile in a bid to win the attention of the world. In the past two weeks, they have test-fired two missiles, resumed production at their plutonium facility, intercepted a U.S. military plane, and threatened to burn the cities of New York, Chicago, and Washington. Let this be a lesson to all foes of the United States: Provoke us and we will annihilate a totally unrelated regime. The Roundup: Turkey's top politician, formerly gung-ho about locating US troops there, now says he wants more assurances from the American government and elections in Turkey. . . Malta will join the European Union next year, prompting officials to wonder, "Malta is still a country? Do the crusaders still run it?" . . . Moro Islamic Liberation Front guerrillas seized a bus (a bus?) and fled after two people were killed in the southern Philippines. . . Romania has expelled five Iraqi diplomats at the request of the US. . . the Palestinian parliament voted to create a prime ministry in an attempt to curb Yasser Arafat's near-absolute power. The first prime minister, hilariously, will be appointed by Arafat. Checks and balances, people, checks and balances. -Consider Arms 11:38:51 AM    comment []

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