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Thursday, March 13, 2003 |
BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT! Well, not really. But because we have been out front on the freedom fry story since it began, here is the latest news on the War on Terror's strangest front.
It may be the Semaine de la Fracophonie in Louisiana, but it's Breakfast Time in America! Thus far, the people of Louisiana remain the most level-headed in the former Confederate States of America when it comes to patriotically renamed side dishes.
As Cubbie's goes, so goes Mike and Ed's Barbecue A restaurant in Columbus, Georgia has joined Team Freedom Fry. We are still waiting for this to break out in a state that didn't join the confederacy.
Bully for the retarded Congressmen! This is a pro Freedom Fry editorial from West Virginia, which wasn't part of the confederacy. It's not exactly Vermont, though, is it? Key quote: "We'll have our freedom fries biggie size."
The "french" in "french fries" comes from the verb "to french," meaning "to cut into little strips" Man, even people in Hindustan are scoring points off us because of this freedom fries thing.
Invaluable Freedom Fries Timeline This article reports they originated in Britain in 1865; the Hindustan Times article said they crossed the Atlantic earlier than that, via Thomas Jefferson. Either way, they are shameful symbols of appeasement unless we rename them.
Democrats Ridicule "Freedom Fries" That should read "Fifth Columnist, Pro-Saddam Appeaser Democrats," I'm sorry. Also, THIS article quotes the French embassy in Washington as saying that french fries come from Belgium. The controversy rages on!
From the story: "You won't see George French changing his name to George Freedom anytime soon." The story of people named French, angry at the renaming of french fries (see my earlier investigation into the origin of "French's toast"). Send me an email to let me know if we are officially "through the looking glass" in the words of Milhouse van Houten.
Freedom fries move into Ohio Sure, it's not the former Confederacy, but Ohio's kind of like the South. Have you ever been to Cincinnati? Key quote: "It's not that we're taking sides for or against the war," he said. "It's just that (France and Germany) don't support our country when we've supported them in times of need and conflict -- we've been there time after time. If restaurants in every town across the nation stopped ordering their products, that'd hit home very quickly." Please note: French fries are not ordered from France.
Freedom Fries Spreading This has a great headline. Kevin McCarthy was right: The pod people are here.
The V.I.Lenin of Freedom Fries The man who started it all. You can buy t-shirts!
Pro Freedom Fry Sentiment in Pennsylvania But I have long maintained that Pennsylvania is not the north. As Pennsylvanians themselves say, "Pennsylvania has Pittsburgh on one end, Philadelphia on the other, and Alabama in the middle." Any state that had Jim Crow laws isn't the north.
This one's for Joe Pastula The Japanese are baffled by freedom fries. I know how they feel.
God bless Carrboro, North Carolina In the very heartland of freedom fry mania, this town declares April to be French Trade Month and urges its residents to buy French products. Key quote: "Even though it was kind of tongue-in-cheek, it's kind of in response to these very hostile, angry acts toward France," said Alderman Jacquelyn Gist, author of the resolution. "I thought that we could make a stand in the other direction and say that 'I think France is right in trying to avoid war.' "
-Consider Arms
3:59:21 PM 
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Who's the clueless dude? Apparently, he's 9 out of 10 Americans between 18 and 24, who National Geographic recently discovered can't find Iraq on a map. We are going to blast you to hell, Saddam Hussein, once we figure out where you are. Asia?
-Consider Arms
1:32:31 PM
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"Breakfast in America": A musing (for Bob Ney) Toast is an ordinary product, made when heating bread by a certain process. But once it is dipped in the sweet Batter of Pre-emptive Self Defense and fried on the Skillet of a Parade of Democracies Marching in the Street, it becomes so much more - it becomes Freedom Toast.
Every morning, as I sit at the Table of Liberty and eat my breakfast, I help to fight global terrorism and the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. With each bite, I bring the world that much closer to a universal democratic order of peace and stability. Lightly sprinkling the Powdered Sugar of Civic Responsbility on my Freedom Toast, and applying the Justice Butter, I prepare to eat my way to a just and lasting peace.
Using the Knife of Equality and the Fork of Democracy, I eat my Freedom Toast, taking care on occasion not to spill any of the Human Rights Syrup on my Shirtfront of Judicial Review. I eat slowly and deliberately, lest I fall victim to the Indigestioin of Appeasement. And as I wash down my American Breakfast with the Orange Juice of Checks and Balances, I can take comfort knowing that I have begun my day the right way, with a Balanced Breakfast of Infinite Justice.
-Marcus Marcus and Consider Arms
10:40:12 AM
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My Lenten vow to ignore Ari Fleischer already in tatters, I still feel guilty passing on this bit of Ariania: At a recent press conference, chrome dome hinted that if the United Nations refuses to give us the green light to "disarm" Saddam, the United States will replace the UN with "another international body" to do the job. What international body does Ari have in mind? He didn't say. Maureen Dowd suggests Salma Hayek, but we here at the Monster Limo Weblog oppose this sort of crude and disrespectful theorizing by the liberal media. We believe the opinions and policies of the current administration deserve only the most serious and solemn consideration, and that's why I suggest we send, as our new "international body," the Harlem Globetrotters. Not only are the Globetrotters an "international body" (hence their name), not only were they inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame last September (can the UN make that claim?), but according to their web site, they are popular in Texas. What more could one ask in an international body? You read it here first!
-Consider Arms
10:33:12 AM
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Poor Understanding of Apostrophes Means You Are Objectively Pro-Saddam As you all know, recently Congress changed all of its menus so that french fries and French toast would no longer be served, replaced instead with the terror-fighting dishes freedom fries and freedom toast. This recipe web site, unrelated to politics, points out that French toast was invented in Albany in the 18th century by a man named Joseph French. French wanted to name the delicious dish after himself, but (like my neighbors The Smith's) did not understand the proper use for the apostrophe. Hence, "French's toast" became "French toast." The article opines: "There are few dishes more truly American than the breakfast favorite known as 'French toast.'" I'm just glad that Congress has exposed this long dead New Yorker as a supporter of appeasement and has taken steps to rename his invention accordingly.
-Consider's Arms
9:59:32 AM
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Follow up: Up is still down "State Department spokesman Richard Boucher said Wednesday that the stand of French President Jacques Chirac is making it less likely Iraq can be disarmed peacefully." Welcome to Bizarro World, ladies and gentlemen, where voting against war means war. If one accepts Mr. Boucher’s comments, could one assume that the result of passing the new resolution would be peace? We’ll have to wait and see on that one, but this is an interesting new piece of spin that, like many before it, flies in the face of logic and reason (but that has not stopped them from being adopted by many Americans).
Was Governor Perry busy? So the U.S. Supreme Court had to step in to stop this execution. In the 23 year old trial, witnesses were paid off or allowed to lie, eligible black jurors were dismissed (along with other problems), and yet the execution is not stopped…is this the Wild West or the 21st GD century? Texas should just start being honest with itself and adopt the lynch mob model of justice.
'Partial-Birth' Ban Bill Moving in Senate Not wanting to begin a moratorium on abortion rights here, I will simply say this: just why would it be so wrong to have an exemption for situations when the mother’s life is in danger? The Republicans exhibit an eerie sense of entitlement when it comes to their demands that Americans make the ultimate sacrifice.
Finally, Elizabeth Smart was safely returned to her family yesterday, which is a good thing. However, I still got quite a few laughs from the press coverage of it. A Reuters headline read "Return of Missing Utah Girl Called a Miracle." Is this Reuters or Chicken Soup for the News Media’s Soul? Is there some official miracle authority that was consulted for the story?
- Marcus-Marcus
9:34:34 AM
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Did anyone see Elvis Costello hosting the Late Show last night? He was great, and that rendition of "What's So Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding?" was perfect. After leading his band through the song, with the last notes still dying away, he shouted, "We'll be right back after these capitalist messages!" So here are today's capitalist messages, courtesy of the Associated Press (http://www.ap.org)
The Big News: The Iraqi foreign minister has just dismissed the British compromise plan on Iraq's disarmament. The war vote in the Security Council is tomorrow. Go to TradeSports.com now and start the betting.
The Roundup: Iran is agreeing to release all its Iraqi prisoners of war from the 1980-1988 war, prompting most people to marvel, "There are still POWs from a war that ended 15 years ago??". . . The "Turkish constitutional court" has banned the country's largest Kurdish political party. . . Members of an Iraq-linked group distributed $260,000 to the families of Palestinians killed in conflict with Israel, including the family of a suicide bomber. . . A U.S. Special Forces convoy in Eastern Afghanistan was ambushed. Five attackers were killed but no U.S. soldiers. . . the human shields are beginning to leave Iraq. . . It's going to snow again, damn it.
- Consider Arms
9:02:41 AM
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© Copyright 2003 Monster Limo Organization.
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