Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Special "It's Saddam's Fault" Edition: With five hours before death starts raining on Iraq, I have found a variety of stories that should convince America's sissy peaceniks once and for all that Saddam needs to be taken out. Just look: EU Offices Bugged; But Who Could Be Behind Such a Dastardly Act? The smart money's on Saddam! Harper's Boss Says Al-Jazeera Will Be Knocked Out Fast Unlike ABC or NBC, after all, Al-Jazeera will actually have reporters in Iraq when the war starts. But who could hatch such a dastardly plan? Survey says: Saddam! Worldcom Lands 3rd Government Contract Since November That's right; the same Worldcom that filed for bankruptcy in 2002. Hey, what was the role of the state supposed to be in a capitalist economy? Wasn't the state supposed to stay out of the market? Who would want to undermine capitalism in such a way? (If you guessed "Saddam," you're right on the money!) IDF Disrupts American's Funeral with Gas and Grenades I support Israel, but with the murder of Rachel Corrie it's like they're trying to prove the harshest criticism against them. They've gone absolutely batshit. Who could be driving them to such insane behavior? (Hint: it rhymes with "Psaddam") America's Image Deteriorates Worldwide Damn you, Saddam! Will you stop at nothing? Japan and U.S. in Super Powers Team-up of Capitalism I must have been a poor economics student. I thought that in a laissez-faire economy, the state let the market alone. The market works magic! So why are the markets in Japan and the U.S. squealing to the government for help? And why are the two governments stepping in to prop up the private sector? Oh, I can't help thinking none of this would be necessary if Saddam hadn't wrecked capitalism with his terror weapons! We Don't Even Know How Many Iraqis Died the Last Time The man responsible for preventing an accurate count wears a beret, mustache, and can often be seen firing a bolt-action rifle one-handed in front of large crowds. Advance Teams to "Help Find" WMD If you don't think the government will find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, you're nuts. They'll be "found" within days, after these advance teams finish planting them. Of course, none of this would be necessary if that bastard Saddam wasn't hiding his terror weapons aboard his mysterious terror ships in the Indian Ocean! CBC Program Reveals US Government's Lies about Iraq "This program is possible through a grant from a mad Middle Eastern dictator whose name, spelled backwards, is 'Maddas.'" Military Promises Honesty Over Civilian Death Count BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (gasping for air) Seriously, that was great. Thank you. Bomb-Sniffing Dog Firm Indicted for Fraud Is there no end to the perfidy of the madman Hussein?!? -Consider Arms 3:46:32 PM    comment []

As I write this, there are five hours left until Bush's ultimatum runs out. When I get home from work tonight, my country will likely be at war. You'd think there would be a general sense of solemnity settling over the land, but then, you'd have forgotten how resourceful some people are at being disgraces. To wit: The Antonin Scalia "Through the Looking Glass" Award Supreme Court Justice Scalia, who never met a right he didn't hate, banned the news media from attending an award ceremony where he was given an award honoring his contributions to free speech. I can't make this up. It's like life has become a particularly hectoring Sinclair Lewis novel. More Frolicking Through the Wasteland with Tony Scalia Scalia, who was just honored for contributions to the protection of free speech, said at a recent speech that the government can "scale back" individual freedoms during wartime without hurting the Constitution. Key quote: "'The Constitution just sets minimums,'" Scalia said after a speech at John Carroll University in suburban Cleveland. "'Most of the rights that you enjoy go way beyond what the Constitution requires.'" Yeah, way to protect my rights, Tony. You're doing a hell of a job. Whatever they pay you isn't enough. Government Prepares Americans for Casualties They aren't doing much to prepare the casualties for casualties, though. Note to Burma: Commence Sweating Balls Ho, ho, ho. The State Department just published a list of countries "of major concern" in the area of violating religious freedoms. On the list: Iran, Iraq, North Korea, China, Sudan, and Burma. Not on the list: Saudi Arabia, where churches and synagogues are illegal, where Muslims who convert to other faiths are subject to the death penalty, and where even Shiite Muslims are jailed for proselytizing. A State Department spokesman said Saudi Arabia was "certainly on the threshold" for inclusion on the list. - Consider Arms 3:24:01 PM    comment []

What do you mean you don't serve freedom fries?! 2:56:32 PM    comment []

Tom Ridge provides country with creative graphics, security blankets I sure hope the Department of Homeland Security is able to thwart terror attacks (why wouldn’t I?), but I continue to believe that such a department can only serve to clean up the bodies faster if such an attack occurred, whether at the hands of Islamic extremists or ornery tractor-driving farmers. Still, you have to admire the Administration’s resolve to bullshit us into oblivion – while getting a U.N. vote was still ostensibly a priority, the idea that invading Iraq would provoke more terror attacks was seen as an absurd, anti-American statement. Now, the same people have basically conceded this fact with their heightened alert. I wonder if that alert will go back down to "elevated" when Saddam has been exiled or executed since that crucial link to Al Qaeda will have been demolished. It looks like the cynics were right to be cynical about the cynical administration. As the world is turning its attention to a war that is sure to come at a time that will allow it to disrupt the NCAA Tournament (dammit!), note what’s going on in Congress: votes are being pushed on all of Bush’s most unpopular and/or controversial issues, from ANWR drilling to more ridiculous tax cuts (just before the at least $90 billion war, of course) to tougher bankruptcy laws for consumers (to which group Enron, Worldcom, et al do not belong) to last week’s passing of the new late-term abortion law. In view of this, the above story about homeland security and Bush’s message to the Iraqis about not burning oil wells, one thing is abundantly clear: this war is DEFINITELY not about oil and politics. - Marcus-Marcus 11:17:49 AM    comment []

THE CRITICS ARE RAVING ABOUT PRESIDENT BUSH'S ULTIMATUM! "Australia should not have been so deeply committed to a course set by the United States and Britain that it had no choice. We could only confirm the already promised support and are now in a deeply regrettable war." - The Sydney Morning Herald "The die is cast. The United States is going to war -- against a foe who offers it no clear and present danger whatsoever -- with no sanction or justification other than self-righteousness." - The Times of India "No dictator has ever succeeded in conquering the world. Warmongering will not lead to U.S. supremacy in the world and instead will bring about the collapse of the Western superpower. A Persian proverb says: "It may come early or late but it will finally come." - Parviz Esmaeili, Teheran Times "Regarding Iraq, people feel Iraq is at fault. They agree the Japan-U.S. alliance is important. Even so, they cannot support a war the United Nations does not condone." - Asahi Shimbun, Japan "No Jordanian, no Arab has ever bought, even for one single second, Bush's blabbering about bringing democracy to this region. A democratic government in Baghdad would reflect people's anger and revulsion against U.S. policies, and translate it into policies." - Jordan News Agency "If the war that everyone is expecting doesn't happen, American patriots will be deeply disappointed. Like all nationalists, they will only be fully satisfied when the blood starts to flow. Somehow it just wouldn't seem right if the administration's stated goals were achieved without a shot being fired. National pride demands human sacrifice..." - Boris Kagarlitsky, Moscow Times "As hostilities begin, the differences between the anti-war and pro-war schools in the United States have been partially submerged by their common feeling that the administration's diplomacy and its military and political preparations have been inept." - Martin Woollacott, The Guardian "The last thing this Bush government thinks about is New York. They use the World Trade Center attack as another reason for going to war. Bush and his people came to the city once for a fraudulent rally at the World Trade Center, and then were gone. George Bush has talked about Saddam Hussein so much that it is obvious he is obsessed with the belief that Saddam tried to kill Dad. Therefore, he wants Saddam killed. Assassinated if possible. I don't think he understands that assassination is a two-way street. Look up Jack Kennedy." - Jimmy Breslin, Newsday "The people, however, mostly are not swallowing it. When I say "the people," I don't just mean just the campus groups and peace organizations. Now they've been joined by the president of the AFL-CIO and several hundred thousand union members who are stoutly patriotic... and just as stoutly opposed to Bush's war." - Jim Hightower, former Texas Agriculture Commissioner "Whoever decides that all peaceful means made available by international law have been exhausted, assumes a grave responsibility before God, his conscience and history." - JoaquÃn Navarro-Valls, Vatican spokesman "What we know is that the imminent prospect of preemptive war with Iraq has damaged U.S. relations with much of the world -- opening rifts with major trading partners such as France and Germany, with Russia and China, and even with neighboring Canada and Mexico." - David Broder, Washington Post "President Bush has been clear and constant throughout. And, for that, he deserves great credit, not criticism." - Lou Dobbs, CNN Moneyline - Consider Arms 10:28:49 AM    comment []

Crazy and Sane People Alike Speak Out on the Dixie Chicks (see if you can guess which is which) "I've never owned a Dixie Chicks CD, but, after hearing what Ms. Maines said (and agreeing with it), I went out and bought all of the Dixie Chicks CDs I could get my hands on." - Gary Lancaster "I am ashamed that the Chicks are from Texas. I am ashamed that they claim to be American. I am most ashamed that I ever listened or bought their music and provided a means of their support. I am ashamed. I will fix my shame -- I have destroyed all Chick music in my possession, I will not purchase or listen to Chick music. I will shun and avoid any company that is involved with the sale or promotion of Dixie Chick music or performances. I am expressing my right to free speech and action. As far as I am concerned the Dixie Chicks no longer exist." - Richard Uzuanis Perhaps I'm biased, but doesn't the second comment have just a little bit of "it puts the lotion in the basket" about it? - Consider Arms 10:09:23 AM    comment []

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