That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp.
Paul O'Neill Furiously Backpedaling on Brief Brush with the Truth Well, you would too, if they were going to shoot your entire family, or whatever they've threatened O'Neill with.
Tennessee Heroically Battles the Oppression of the Disabled This story is almost unbelievable. Wheelchair-bound George Lane turned up for a hearing at the Polk County courthouse in Tennessee only to find that there was no elevator to the second floor, where his hearing was. He was told that he "better get upstairs," so, amazingly, he got out of his wheelchair and crawled up the stairs while a judge and court employees laughed at him. Then, when his case wasn't heard in the morning session, he crawled back down the stairs. After he refused to crawl up the stairs again, he was arrested for failure to appear. Mr. Lane has joined a lawsuit that would force Tennesee to make its public buildings handicap accessible (wasn't there a law about this already?) which is being fought by the state on federalist grounds (you remember federalism - it was the guiding philosophy of the United States at the close of the 18th century. Nope, nothing's changed in America since 1790!). Incredibly, Tennesee's lawyers claim that disabled people don't have "an absolute right" to attend their own criminal or civil trials. The Supreme Court is apparently likely to side with Tennesee, fearing that elevators in courthouses will comprise an unacceptable violation of "states' rights" (you remember states' rights - that was the ostensible ideology of the Confederacy. Nope, nothing's changed in America since 1860!). It's things like this that make me angry I wasn't born a Swede.
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty! Ex-Enron CFO Andy Fastow and his lovely wife have agreed to plead guilty to their roles in the accounting fraud that brought the massive corporation down in 2001. It looks like Andy could get 10 years, which I say is entirely reasonable. Even better: it's possible that a condition of the deal (as is the case in many plea bargains) is Andy's testimony against Jeff Skilling and George Bush's best pal, Kenny Boy Lay. Let's hope that's the case, and that all these bastards are in prison together in the near future.
The Government Will Pay for Your Lavish Vegas Wedding I call it "the Britney Spears/Jason Alexander Act." The Bush administration, those conservative foes of wasting tax dollars and of the government intruding in our private lives, is planning to spend $1.5 BILLION on promoting marriage in the United States, an initiative that will include classes for low-income couples on "interpersonal skills" useful in sustaining a lifelong marriage. I think I speak for all Americans when I say that there is absolutely no better use for $1.5 billion in tax dollars than a government sponsored class on how not to fight with your boyfriend. Headlines I Never Want to See Again "Mother of Two Kills Four in Gaza Suicide Attack."
-Consider Arms
10:54:01 AM 
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