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Friday, January 16, 2004 |
What's cooler than cool? Ice cold! Also, my damn apartment.
Geo rge Bush: Liberal At least that's what the leaders of six conservative groups are charging. They're unhappy with the way that the administration has been spending tax dollars ("like a drunken sailor," according to Paul Weyrich) and with the amnestry proposal for illegal immigrants. I don't know why the Bush gang is acting like their guy is a popular president who can afford to alienate his base: a 50 percent approval rating isn't exactly the kind of leverage you need to start pissing off old allies.
Scenes from the New South, Part One Lee County, North Carolina will fly a Confederate flag on Jan. 19, which is both Martin Luther King Day and Robert E. Lee's birthday. This is a proud and honorable tradition dating back, according to the article, all the way to 1994. According to the article, unnamed "black civic, church, and NAACP leaders" say there is no problem with flying the flag of slavery on the federal holiday set aside to honor the man who did more than any American to end segregation. If true, I sincerely hope those unnamed leaders are planning on a mass resignation/sepuku ritual in the near future.
Sce nes from the New South, Part Two Virginia's state legislature is considering a new law banning sodomy, which would include up to 5 years in prison for violators. Now, I know what you're saying: Didn't the Supreme Court strike down laws against sodomy this past summer? Yes, but only in the United States; Virginia is the capitol of the Confederacy, silly!
As Homer Simpson Would Say: "Mmmm...Desserter" Actually, that's "deserter," as in the 3,000 soldiers who have deserted the Afghan army so far. That's about one-third of the total who have been recruited, a yield which would be pretty rotten by New York Knicks coaching standards, let alone that of a supposedly modern army. Looks like it's going to be a while before we have those 50,000 Afghan soldiers ready to provide stability and law to the country, doesn't it?
Al-Sistani to Bush: You Don't Know Shi'ite! Here's when the egghead fantasies of neocon "intellectuals" get into a horrible maiming car wreck with the real world. Now, the U.S. has invaded Iraq ostensibly in order to guarantee democracy, right? (I know there's more to it than that, but the administration's justifications change every damn day, so let's go with the most consistent one. . . it was called Operation Iraqi Freedom, after all.) Yes, but as it turns out, what that would mean is handing the country over to Shi'ite theocrats. Their leader is the Ayatollah Al-Sistani who, whatever his views on women's rights and so forth, is at least smart enough to count: He knows that in the event of democratic elections, his people win big. So the ayatollah has been pushing for democratic everything: democratic constitution, immediate democratic elections for a nationwide legislature, and a democratic veto over every decision made by the coalition. Ostensibly, we should be happy that a top-ranking Iraqi political figure is so willing to embark on democratic elections, but of course, we can't actually let any of that happen: a Shi'ite theocracy would be a disaster in terms of oil revenues, geopolitical strategy, the balance of power in the region, and the fragile feelings of our allies Israel and Saudi Arabia, both of whom loathe the current Shi'ite theocrats, Iran. Today, Al-Sistani is meeting with tribal leaders to decide how best to oppose the Americans' plan for a "transition government" in Iraq; it's going to be worth watching how "Operation Iraqi Freedom" worms its way out of democratic elections.
-Consider Arms
3:21:46 PM 
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Cheney Does His Chicken Little Bit, Time To Change The Oil In My Car And Pay The Phone Bill Dick Cheney emerged from his super-secret concrete bunker for his monthly prediction of war, death and disaster like an Old Testament prophet (except for the morality and righteousness of Jeremiah and his ilk). Calling the "war on terror" akin to the Cold War, Cheney predicted that it could last for generations. He also predicted (as always, with no evidence or details whatsoever) that al-Qaida is plotting another attack on America with a loss of thousands, tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of lives (when are you going to have the balls to reach for a cool million Cheney?). Cheney did not comment on the lack of WMDs found in Iraq, or the dismissed claims of Osama being tied to Saddam, or the evidence that the Bush administration planned to invade Iraq months before 9-11, or the scandals at his old company Enron, or the report from the US Army War College that concluded that Iraq may have set back the "war on terror", etc.
Steven Segal Still Writing For The Israeli Government In response to recent suicide bombings, Israel will hunt down and kill the founder and spiritual leader of Hamas, Sheik Ahmed Yassin, a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic. "Sheik Yassin is marked for death, and he should hide himself deep underground where he won't know the difference between day and night. And we will find him in the tunnels, and we will eliminate him," Deputy Defense Minister Zeev Boim told Israel Army Radio on Thursday night. I'm sure that will solve everything.
We All Thought It. Why Punish Him For Saying It? Jose Bono, a leading politician in Spain and member of the Socialist Party, was caught by a television team discussing Tony Blair to a former Socialist leader Joaquin Almunia. "Hey, and our colleague Blair? He's a complete dickhead (un gilipollas integral). He's an imbecile." There might be an ensuing uproar from this comment, but it definitely won't be with the majority of Britons...
The Joke Will Be Back On You When Your Unfunny Ass Gets Cancelled After Five Weeks "The joke's on liberals" says Dennis Miller as he has just been made of his own talk show on CNBC. You may remember Miller as the unfunny man with the mullet on Saturday Night Live reruns, or the co-star of cinematic classic "Joe Dirt", or the failed host of Monday night football on ABC, or the fired essayist for Fox News. Over the past few years he's made a name for himself as an opportunist lapdog for Bush and the right, after a quick-as-lightning turn from being a liberal pre-September 11th. Now he's become such an overblown parody of a conservative that he was booed by the audience at a Republican fund-raiser for attacking a Democratic Senator too viciously. If the country suddenly was overtaken by the Dutch, you can bet Miller would be on a stage the next day tap-dancing in wooden shoes. The most disgusting part of this article is towards the end where Miller trashes the dead comedian Lenny Bruce. "Lenny was a heroin addict, and I could care less about heroin addicts. Once I hear a guy is a heroin addict, and they tell me he's a genius, I think, really? I'm not trying to be judgmental. But anybody whose last vision is of a tile pattern on a bathroom floor, I don't know what kind of genius they are." Well Dennis, Lenny was the kind of genius who stood up for what he believed was right, no matter the risk to his health or career. And unlike you, people actually laughed at his jokes.
Meet The New Boss, Actually Worse Than The Old Boss From the MSNBC article, "For the past four decades, Iraqi women have enjoyed some of the most modern legal protections in the Muslim world, under a civil code that prohibits marriage below the age of 18, arbitrary divorce and male favoritism in child custody and property inheritance disputes. Saddam Hussein's dictatorship did not touch those rights. But the U.S.-backed Iraqi Governing Council has voted to wipe them out, ordering in late December that family laws shall be "canceled" and such issues placed under the jurisdiction of strict Islamic legal doctrine known as sharia."
Finally, A Pre-Emptive Invasion I Can Support About three dozen monkeys have invaded the Indian Embassy in Nepal's capital of Katmandu and have been defecating in offices and destroying equipment. The embassy has previously caught some of the monkeys and had taken them out of the capital, "but somehow they managed to find their way back."
-The Sikh Geek
9:45:45 AM
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