TODAY'S TOP FIVE: George Tenet Stars in "Too Little, Too Late"
GOP to Rove: You Stupid Dick Trouble in paradise, kids? At a late-January retreat, 218 GOP congressfolks apparently ganged up on bumbling White House mastermind Karl Rove, demanding an end to Governor Bush's profligate spending habits and the scuttling of his half-assed amnesty program for illegal immigrants. It seems that the folks who are represented by the Republicans out there in Mayonnaise Sandwich America are unhappy at the prospect of Mexicans having even a stump of a leg to stand on in this country, and their lawmakers want the "president" to know about it. The White House explanation that they're doing it to (a) win more Latino voters and (b) mollify Mexican President Vicente Fox is unlikely to play well with these folks.
This Looks Like a Job for Lord Hutton Opposition parties in Pakistan are calling for a government investigation into the way the country's nuclear scientists apparently sold nuclear weapons technology to Iran, Libya, and North Korea. This comes one day after the head of the nuclear weapons program, who had reportedly acquitted Pakistani dictator Pervez Musharraf in the North Korean deals, was pardoned by Musharraf. Musharraf (a key U.S. ally, mind) has rejected calls for an independent inquiry, but perhaps Pakistani justice hasn't evolved to the stage of U.S. and British justice, which can produce phony investigations and whitewashed conclusions with rigorous efficiency.
The Reports of Grand Ayatollah Al-Sistani's Demise Are Greatly Exaggerated...Or Are They? No one seems to know whether there has been an attempt on the life of the spiritual leader of Iraq's Shi'ite Muslims. The Washington Post, in the story linked here, reports matter-of-factly that Sistani was attacked by men with rifles outside his home in Najaf; however, the Associated Press reported this morning that a group close to Sistani says there has been no assassination attempt at all. Complicating matters somewhat is the fact that Sistani, who has called for immediate elections in Iraq, has not left his house in six years, following another assassination attempt, although it seems there is confirmation that he is unharmed. This is worth watching because Sistani is by far the most moderate of Iraq's leading Shi'ite clerics; if he dies, God knows what would happen to the so-far quiescent majority population of Iraq and their treatment of American occupation forces.
Show of Hands: Who's Actually Working in America Anymore? After pathetically trumpeting the 1,000 net jobs created during the month of December (that's 1,000 net jobs THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES), the Bush administration is likely to keep mum on January's news: nearly 120,000 jobs lost. Man, I can't help but think that all of this is going to get better when they capture Osama in October: we can then employ people to make confetti for Bush's victory parade in January.
Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell Hell A second-grade girl in Pittsburgh has been suspended from school for using the word "Hell," in reference to the place. Apparently, a classmate said the phrase "swear to God," and the little girl told him he could go to Hell for saying that (note: her theology on this point is admittedly poor). The school responded by suspending her (note: she is seven years old), saying that the student handbook prevents "profanity," although it doesn't explain how, since the word "Hell" is forbidden, someone should refer to the place that the Christian religion says souls of the damned are bound for. My suggestion: "Chicopee."
-Consider Arms
11:15:57 AM 
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