I'm Sorry. The Nickname "Cash'N'Kerry" Is Kinda Genius.
What Strange Bedfellows A Massive Pill Addiction Doth Make As Rush Limbaugh struggles to keep his medical records sealed and cover his large, pasty ass from recent drug charges, he has found an ironic ally: the ACLU. The Civil Liberties Union has joined various medical groups in an attempt to keep Limbaugh's medical records private, citing the Florida Constitution and state law, which allow a patient to oppose the seizing of medical records in court. For some reason, I don't think that Rush will be calling the ACLU America-hating treasonous Communists in the near future, at least until the knowledge of his third nipple and bed-wetting is secured.
Bush Administration, "Read A Book You Deaf Bastards" The US Department of Education has declared about 200 television programs inappropriate for closed-captioning and is denying federal grant requests to make them accessible to the hearing impaired. The department made their decisions based on an unknown five-member panel who used a narrow interpretation of "educational, news or informational" to come down on the deaf like a ton of Taliban bricks. Say what you want, I know that our country will be stronger now that deaf children won't be able to watch closed-captioned versions of Scooby-Doo.
France Steals A Page From America's "Massive Help To Liberia" Playbook As Haiti is being torn apart with rioting and civil unrest, their former colonials masters, the French, are engaged with a massive plan to look really busy and do nothing to help the poverty-stricken island nation. Said the foreign minister Domnique de Villepin, "What can France do specifically? First we want to reflect on what can be done urgently." He also did not say that France would send troops and added that even deploying peacekeepers "is very difficult." He did however offer unnamed resources that they "want to make available when the time comes and circumstances permit." This will certainly be a relief to the masses in Haiti who have been holding up signs demanding that France reflect on what could maybe, possible be done sometime in the undisclosed future to somehow assist them in undetermined ways. P.S. Did you know that the high-caffeine drink Red Bull is illegal in France? That is so fucked up. I need to drink a Red Bull in a massive turban in front of Paris' city hall right now.
Ann Coulter, "Triple-Amputee Doing It For The Attention" Ann Coulter, far-right nutcase and eight-beer hottie, recently attacked former Senator Max Cleland, who lost both legs and an arm in Vietnam, for saying that Bush's military record is inferior to John Kerry's. Coulter said, "If Cleland had dropped a grenade on himself at Fort Dix rather than in Vietnam, he would never have been a U.S. Senator in the first place. He didn't 'give his limbs for his country,' or leave them 'on the battlefield. There was no bravery involved in dropping a grenade on himself with no enemy troops in sight." It's too bad that Cleland didn't drop a grenade on himself. He was wounded picking up a grenade that someone else had dropped. Read the Coultergeist's original, hysterical rant here.
And Maybe Bob Dole Can Dance With Big-Booty Strippers To The Tunes Of "Me So Horny" For The Next "E.D." Ad Consider Arms once joked about a possible list of the most inappropriate use of music in television commercials. I don't think he could have imagined this horrible, horrible idea: using Johnny Cash's classic "Ring of Fire" for a hemorrhoid ad. Thank goodness the Cash estate has some tact.
-The Sikh Geek
10:43:16 AM 
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