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Thursday, February 19, 2004 |
TODAY'S TOP FIVE: Today, I Must Endure a Hearing on Elderly Housing. Pray For Me.
All Hip Hop Is Lame...Except This Guy MC No Shame has been saying it for months: Hip hop is played. Now the mainstream is finally starting to catch on, except they're stuck on the same old formula: "Oh, it's all bad, except this guy." "This guy" in this case is Kanye West, he of the "I'll bring the Cool Whip/then I want you to strip" rhyme mastery. Yeah, try again, Slate. At least they're not touting Dizzee Rascal as the future. From now on, "Dizzee Rascal" is an adjective meaning "hyped to the ceiling despite being genuinely awful."
Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Care Here at the MLWL, we're pretty much down with the concept of same-sex marriage: If you want in on one of society's worst institutions, that's your trip, baby. But the flood of stories about how gays are getting married in San Francisco (and now Nueva York) has the same effect as the flood of stories about Janet Jackson's nipple terrorism: distracting people from (a) the fucked-up war in Iraq, (b) the fucked-up economy here at home, and (c) John Ashcroft's ongoing sodomy of Lady Liberty. So, please: Let's all run just one last story about gay marriage and then get back to work, 'kay?
That's Funny: I Haven't Heard Anything About This on My Local News Station This story has been dribbling out of Iraq for months now, but apparently it's reaching a new plateau: suicide among American troops there. Apparently, soldiers who have come home from Iraq are also killing themselves in higher-than-usual numbers. Will this problem go away if I put another flag decal on my car?
Wow, and I Thought MBNA Had Beef With My Debt Level If the U.S. had an Equifax rating, we'd never get approved for a loan. Check it out: Our national debt has hit a record high of $7 trillion. To give you some idea of how high that is, our entire Gross Domestic Product is $11 trillion. But should we be worried that we are now essentially in purely hypothetical levels of debt? Nah! "A Treasury spokeswoman said there was 'no special significance' to the number." I guess that's true, but only in the same way there's "no special significance" when an alcoholic wakes up in the Interfaith Cot Shelter with no memory of the last 24 hours for the 100th time.
I Sense Another Imminent Elevation of the Terrorism Alert Level According to the latest Gallup Poll (and polls are basically worthless, but at least give us a hint of what's going on out there), both John Kerry and John Edwards have double-digit leads over George Bush. Quick: Invade Syria!
-Consider Arms
10:51:27 AM 
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A Yao Ming Of Truth In A Midget-Marrying Reality Show Of Falsehood
Who Knows Slanderous False Reports From Drudge Better Than Someone Who's Been Falsely Slandered By Him? A Salon piece by Sidney Blumenthal who was falsely accused by Matt Drudge of spousal abuse. It's amazing that the media fell over themselves to report on this non-story that had absolutely no evidence or fact connected to it, especially since it came from a man whose "exclusive" stories are true only about one-third of the time (remember Bill Clinton's "love child"?). People proved themselves to be absolute fucking morons over this: the NY Times reporter who included a Friendster profile in a piece, Rush Limbaugh who sagely suggested that the "scandal" was leaked by Bill Clinton to bump off Kerry so Hillary could become president (and easily start a campaign half-way through the primary season), and not to mention every major news outlet that used the sketchiest six-degrees of justifications to air the story ("well, the fact that people are talking about it is news, isn't it?). When Al Sharpton and Matt Drudge go out for lunch together, does the same GOP organization pick up the tab for the both of them?
Definitely More Of An Orator Than A Predictor The White House is backing away from its own prediction that the economy will add 2.6 million new jobs before the end of the year, claiming that the number was merely the creation of "number crunchers." White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters that Bush had said, "I'm not a statistician. I'm not a predictor." and added, "We're interested in reality." Well, I guess now's as good a time as any to get interested in reality.
More Zeros Than A Hartford Bar On A Saturday Night The US government's national debt, the aggregate of past budget deficits, now totals over $7,000,000,000,000 for the first time. That's 7 trillion dollars, only slightly below the government debt ceiling, above which the Treasury would need to ask Congress to cover. To give an idea of the size of the debt, the US gross national product for 2003, all of the goods and services produced in the United States that year, add up to $11 trillion. A Treasury spokeswoman said there was "no special significance" to the 7 trillion mark.
Like Going To Middle School Didn't Suck Enough Under a new policy at a New Jersey middle school seventh and eight graders are now allowed to leave class for the bathroom a maximum of fifteen times a month making many students avoid drinking water during the day for fear of having to go to the bathroom.
At Least Senator Cleland Has One Arm Left To Use In Giving Ann Coulter The Finger A clarification from a BuzzFlash reader about the cowardly "heroics" of blame America-firster Max Cleland.
-The Sikh Geek
10:48:51 AM
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