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May 14, 2003
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From Daniel Quinn, Beyond Civilization
:
People will listen when they're ready to listen
and not before. Probably, once upon a time, you weren't ready
to listen to an idea than now seems to you obvious, even urgent. Let people
come to it in their own time. Nagging or bullying will only alienate them.
Don't preach. Don't waste time with people who want to argue. They'll keep
you immobilized forever. Look for people who are already open to something
new.
When presenting a new idea, you don't have to have all the answers. It's
better to say 'I don't know' than to fake it. Make people formulate their
own questions. Don't take on the responsibility of figuring out what their
difficulty is. We each internalize information differently. If you don't understand
a question, keep insisting they explain it until it's clear. Nine times out
of ten they'll supply the answer themselves.
Above all, listen. Your close attention is
sometimes more important than your articulateness in winning converts. And
learning is always a good thing.
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3:58:27 PM
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I'm really annoyed. I just
finished reading a
review
by Salon's Laura Miller of Lisa Lieberman's book Leaving You: The Cultural
Meaning of Suicide. And I'm really pissed. I mean, where do
these people get off moralizing about when suicide is or is not 'justified'
, judging the motives of individuals' personal actions, and claiming that
"it is a universal
human duty to try to prevent any healthy person from self-destruction, regardless
of how good that person's reasons might be"? What bullshit.
Obviously neither of these two rank amateur psychologists have had any personal
(I mean personal, not something your step-mother or grandfather might
have thought about) experience with wanting to end their own life. They obviously
also haven't had any experience with the debilitating effects of anti-depressant
drugs. Christ, if they'd even read some first-person accounts on the subject
like The Noonday Demon
they might at least have a clue about the subject they pontificate on.
I read this review because it got off to a decent start. Lieberman says
that when they are institutionalized and forced to take anti-depressive drugs
"individuals at
risk of destroying themselves [are] deprived of the right to determine their
own behavior." But it's all down-hill from there. Judgements fly left
and right: suicide is "petulent", "an act of aggression", "a variation on
'fuck you!'", involves "dishonesty, self-pity and sheer malice", a "glorified
tantrum", "self-loathing masquerading as concern for others", "competitively
morbid". These hackneyed guilt-ridden labels are an insult to both the intelligence
and the valour of the ferocious, life-long emotional struggle of those that
commit, or seriously contemplate, suicide.
Regular readers of How to Save the World have read both
essays
and
fiction
from me on the subject of depression. For those that want to know more
about suicide, please disregard Miller's sanctimonious review and pass on
Lieberman's flimsy and uninformed pseudo-intellectual tract, and read
The Noonday Demon or any of the other well-researched, first-hand accounts
of the subject, or just talk to someone who has been suicidal. The
sufferers and the survivors we all know deserve that much.
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9:22:14 AM
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© Copyright 2004
Dave Pollard.
Last update:
19/02/2004; 2:44:27 PM. |
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