 There
is a lot of nonsensical 'conventional wisdom' out there about
networking. About the need to be aggressive. About the importance of
exchanging business cards. About only networking with 'key decision
makers'. About the art of small talk. About exaggerated politeness.
About being everything but yourself. In my experience, none of this
advice works. Here are ten things that do:
- Do your research.
Learn who specifically you need/want to meet (whether your networking
objective is business or personal). Find out as much as you can about
them, and where you are likely to meet them, or where you are likely to
meet someone who can introduce you to them. And don't limit yourself to
'secondary' (Internet and library) research. Talk to existing contacts
to unearth information about your target contacts that no one else has
(but be careful to verify it). Most networking 'events' that are
organized for you are a waste
of time -- you'll meet mostly other people looking to meet people who
aren't there. Usually, the best networking events are those you have
deliberately got yourself invited to.
- Develop 'elevator speeches'.
First impressions are important, and a brief, clear, compelling,
rehearsed (but natural-sounding) 20-30 second statement, prepared for
and delivered to a specific target contact when you first meet, can be
powerful. They shouldn't be the first thing you say, of course, but you
shouldn't wait too long. They should be unique (something only you
could/would say), personal and engaging but not fawning, all about the
other person not about you, and should suggest how you might be able to
help the other person. Hard work, but worth it.
- Don't underestimate the 'strength of weak ties'.
This is the theory (which is well-supported) that most of the critical
successes in your personal and professional life will come through
someone who knows the person who will ultimately be responsible for
that success (future customer, employer, best friend or spouse), not
through a direct, planned or serendipitous contact with that person
him/herself. Those 'friend of a friend', two and three
degrees-of-separation contacts need to be nurtured and real --
if you're just using someone to get to someone else, they'll know, and
the outcome won't be pretty. But there can be an implicit 'exchange of
favours' among weak ties -- if you introduce me to X I'll introduce you
to Y. Reciprocity is OK.
- Listen and help.
Women are often better networkers than men because they listen better,
and they know that asking another person questions is a great way to
engage them and draw them out. The objective of asking questions is to
learn how you can help the other person, not to set them up for your
sales pitch. Networking is not about selling (your product or
yourself), and if you try to sell too early, not only will you fail,
you won't get a second chance. If you understand the other person's
needs, and can gently suggest that you might be able to help him/her
meet those needs, you've succeeded.
- Never lie, and don't tolerate bullshit from others.
Even being associated with dishonest people can seriously hurt your
networking efforts, and if you yourself get a reputation for dishonesty
or exaggeration, you're toast. Always be genuine -- people have great
bullshit detectors. A classic example of this kind of well-intentioned
but disastrous deceit is the guy that calls you up and asks to
'interview' you, when his real motivation is to land a job with your
company, using you as his research tool. Ask yourself how you would
feel as the unsuspecting 'interviewee'. Ugh.
- Understand that every conversation is an implicit contract.
The person who you're talking to has an objective in talking to you
(which might be as simple as extracting him/herself from the
conversation ASAP). You have an objective in talking to that person.
Those objectives may not be clear at the moment of first conversation,
but one way or another they'll crystallize quickly. Like a dance, one
person needs to lead (both people trying to lead is not uncommon, but
pretty ungraceful). The lead may switch back and forth, and that's all
part of the implicit contract that guides and steers the conversation.
That's why listening is so important, reading the body language,
establishing trust and rapport. Until you both understand the implicit
contract, there can be no real conversation, and without real
conversation there can be no real relationship. This is very subtle,
but very important stuff. The only way to be good at it is lots of
practice.
- Follow through and follow up.
If you say you're going to do something in a conversation, that's a
commitment. Do it, quickly. Otherwise, you'll have a reputation for
breaking promises you'll never live down. And if you do establish a
good relationship, don't just walk away -- ask for a follow-up meeting,
or, if you've really impressed and you know it's now or never, ask for
the work, the job, the date.
- Learn to tell stories.
Nothing is more engaging, or more subversively effective, and nothing
cuts through the ice better than a well-told story. That's why the best
speeches always start with them.
- Prune your networks.
Although there's no hard-and-fast rule, many experts believe that it's
impossible to maintain meaningful relationships with more than about
150 people at a time. It's like juggling -- too many balls in the air
spells disaster. Do triage: Some relationships will grow just fine with
no attention. Others aren't going anywhere no matter how hard you work
at them. Focus on the third group -- those which will blossom with
investment, but not without.
- Manage your networks. Occasionally
sit down and go through your network list and evaluate each
relationship, what its value is to you, what needs to be done, and
which ones are most important and most urgent. Don't let the urgent
relationships consume all your time so there is no time left for the
important ones. Networks are an investment -- like a garden they need
to be tended, weeded, watered, and at the right time, harvested.
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