A while ago, Salon.com had an article
about 'unequally cool couples', where one half of the couple is someone
we would die for, while the other half leaves us cold. Modern Western
society is very family-based, and social activity revolves around the
family, and around interests shared by the adult couple. To some extent
that means "love me, love (or at least tolerate) my significant other".
But one of the phenomena I have noticed recently in the whole field of
social networking (both online and face-to-face) is the number of
people who are travelling around meeting up with people of like minds
(sometimes with a business networking objective, sometimes not) but
leaving their significant others (SOs) behind. And these days, at least
in North America, the line between business and social networking gets
pretty muddy.
I can see the business imperative in this -- customers and colleagues
now make (rightly or wrongly) major time and social demands on business
executives and sole proprietors, and it's neither reasonable nor
desirable to drag one's SO wherever one goes, even if the SO is in a
similar line of business, interested in the same things and people, and
free to fly around the country on short notice. This is one area where
there is a huge difference between Americans and the rest of the West
-- Americans seem prepared to put their families on 'hold' to advance
their careers, especially when the financial enticements for doing so
are extraordinary and offer the promise of early retirement, while
those of us in the rest of the West are not willing to make that
trade-off at any price. It seems to me ironic that America, where
'family values' reign, is the one Western country that subordinates
family to wealth and career. Just to show how pronounced this
difference is, a recent report by a Canadian bank attributed the entire
20% 'productivity' advantage of Americans over Canadians to social
factors: (a) Canadians' participation rate in the labour force is lower
because many fewer Canadian couples both work during their
child-rearing years, and (b) Canadians on average work significantly
fewer hours per week and are less likely to moonlight, because they
value their leisure time more highly than the money they could earn. If
it weren't for these factors, Canadian productivity would actually be higher
than Americans', and the Canadian dollar would trade at a premium to
the US dollar rather than a discount. The discrepancies between
Americans and many Europeans are even more pronounced. And while some
of the reasons for this difference are undoubtedly caused by economic
factors (because of the poorer social safety net and lower minimum wage
many Americans have to have
both spouses working long hours and moonlighting just to survive), some
of it is clearly attitudinal (many Americans in the top 5% income
bracket have earned so much money they don't have to work).
But what about the non-business
social networking -- the blogger conferences and one-on-one meetups
with online acquaintances and political get-togethers and other
'meetings of minds' of people in new communities of interest on
subjects from wikis to scrapbooking? From what I can see, most of these
encounters also omit
significant others, and this phenomenon is not limited to the US. Why
is it that, with this incredible and unique opportunity to find and
connect with people across the world with whom we really see eye-to-eye, so many of us are exploring this brave new world solo?
I think there are several possible reasons for this phenomenon:
- The Internet Walkabout Theory:
Our SOs think we're temporarily nuts or at best going through a
hormonal life change event, and are willing to indulge 'social
networking' as long as it doesn't last too long, cost too much, or lead
to infidelity, and as long as they don't have to be involved in it.
- The New Age Separate Mini-Vacations Theory:
We love our SOs for reasons emotional or chemical, but, just as we
don't expect them to share our love for [insert favourite sport,
musical group, sexual fantasy or hobby here], we don't expect them to
share our love for [insert favourite political cause, advanced
technology, or intellectual passion here], so we don't even try to
subject them to it. In fact, we have tried in vain to get our SOs to
also use [blogs, social networking, meetups, other Internet phenomenon]
to find other people that share their [favourite political cause, advanced technology, hobby or intellectual passion].
- The Unwanted Competition Theory:
We are subconsciously aware that whatever attracted us to our SO could
very well attract like minds to him/her as well, and that he/she might
out-network us as well. But we're not the jealous type, are we?
Well, enough theorizing. My bet's on #1, but you tell me. When you
travel, for business and for 'social networking' events, do you invite
your SO? Why or why not? Do you think event organizers encourage or
discourage inviting SO's, and why? And when couples meet with other
couples at these events, how often does 2+2=4, and how often is it
unbalanced or just plain awkward?
(photo above is from the 2003 Burning Man festival, an
annual and unusual social networking activity, from remarkable
photographer and journalist Xeni Jardin)
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MADE IN CANADA
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In one of the most Orwellian developments I've heard in recent years, the Blair government 
