You say "too late to start"
You've got your heart in a headlock
I don't believe any of it;
You are afraid to start
You've got your heart in a headlock
You know you're better than this.
-- Imogen Heap, Headlock
So you've instituted Getting Things Done, David Allen's personal productivity methodology. You diligently read all the productivity hints in 43 Folders. You've even tried The Procrastinator's Version, and GTD In Meetings.
But for some reason, some of those critical Next Actions keep getting
rescheduled and shuffled down the priority list. Important but not
urgent, perhaps. Or is the real reason darker: Fear of Failure?
As the delightful Imogen Heap song suggests, maybe you've got your heart in a headlock. Fear of failure is not
the same as procrastination: Procrastination is usually the result of a
project or Next Action just being too large or overwhelming -- breaking
it down into manageable pieces, identifying what's blocking it, and
drawing on inspirations and the assistance of others can usually
resolve this. But if you're afraid of failure, if that's what's holding you back, breaking it down may just deprive you of plausible deniability of your reasons for putting it off.
Likewise, fear of failure has nothing to do with lack of courage. The people who have written to me about my earlier post on courage,
people who are seen by others as incredibly courageous, tell me they
don't see themselves that way: Their actions, they say, were the only
choice they had left. They agree with Jack Gilbert
that real courage is enduring adversity and struggle, through no fault
of your own, without fanfare or recognition, day after day, even for a
lifetime. By that measure living one's whole life with the fear of
failure may be more an act of courage than facing it down and dealing
with it.
Kelly & Connor's famous Emotional Cycle of Change has four stages:
- Uninformed optimism: when you're too naive to know how difficult the change will be
- Informed pessimism: when it dawns on you how difficult it will be
- Hopeful realism: when you see what is possible despite the obstacles: workarounds, creative resolutions etc.
- Informed optimism: when you gain confidence as some success is actually achieved
It
seems to me that those caught in the headlock of Fear of Failure are
stuck in the first or second stage of this cycle, unable to move past
it and 'get real'. There are all sorts of perfectly reasonable reasons
for this: A lack of self-confidence, our natural risk aversion,
ignorance (sometimes wilful) of all the factors at play that will
determine success or failure, and the lack of an alternative plan if
the project runs into insuperable obstacles. If there is no 'Plan B',
it is extremely tempting to defer moving ahead, and instead just keep
the ideal alive, and delude yourself that you just 'don't have the
time' to move ahead and face the risk that the project may flounder.
This
is a trap for both dreamers and pessimists. Dreamers use the project as
a perpetual carrot, a daily consolation for doing things they don't
really want to do: "As soon as I get this drudgery done, I'll be able
to start on this wonderful project".
It becomes a lifeline, an addiction, a promised path from a dreary
present to a possibly unrealizable future. If they actually moved ahead
and found that the wonderful project was impossible, they would be
devastated. What's the point of going on when the dream is gone?
Pessimists
use the project as a justification for not confronting and overcoming
their pessimism. They suspect that the 'wonderful project' is an
impossible dream, but it's the only dream they have.
While the dreamers fear (what they think is) unlikely but possible failure, the pessimists fear (what they think is) probable but not certain
failure. They both fear learning the truth, and so they defer and deny
that that's why they aren't moving forward. These 'wonderful projects'
are important, but not only are they not urgent, it is to some extent
urgent that they not move forward. The ideal can live forever, like the dream of winning the lottery or finding Prince(ss) Charming. Not so the reality.
For
those lacking self-confidence (and that's most of us), for those averse
to risk, for those frightened to discover whether the dream idea has
wings, for those whose reason for going on is tied to an uncertain or
even dubious dream, it is only natural to hesitate to learn the truth.
The mathematics are simple: [probability of failure] times [consequence
of failure] is a greater negative than [probability of success] times
[consequence of success] is a positive. And if those probabilities are
unknown, we err on the 'safe' side. So we don't ask for the date, or
the job, or the contract, or the promotion; we don't take the dream
trip, move to the new land, start the new business or intentional
community. Perhaps this fear of failure even accounts for the falling
birth rate and the fact so many unhappy couples stay together.
Things
happen the way they do for a reason, and I have no prescription for
this fear. Knowledge is usually the best cure for uncertainty, but
that's no help when certainty is not what we necessarily want.
Best
to treat the underlying cause than the symptoms, in any case. If it's
lack of self-confidence, one cure is to surround yourself with people
who like you, and who you like, and who are expressive of their
feelings. Another cure for this is to collaborate in your quest with
others who have skills and knowledge that complement yours, increasing
your confidence in the project's success (and also increasing the probability of its success).
If
it's risk aversion, or lack of knowledge, the cure is to learn a little
bit. Learning is like potato chips: Once you start you find you really
like the taste, and you can't quit. Even if you think you don't really
want to know, you'll discover you do. And then those probabilities
start getting very close to either 1 or 0.
In any case, it always makes sense to have a Plan B. Like insurance, a viable
Plan B is annoyingly expensive (in energy and emotion to produce it)
and more often than not a bad investment. But it can make you bold.
Fear
of failure is an addiction, and in the long run its comfort is cold.
Headlocks are very uncomfortable, not good for you, and an impediment
to Getting Things Done.
The truth will set you free. |
MADE IN CANADA
trust your
instincts 
