There is still a lot of
controversy about what happens in our bodies when we love, or fall in
love, and to what extent the chemical soup of love determines what and
how we feel. But there seems to be a consensus emerging. Part one of
this two-parter summarizes the chemistry of love, to the extent
scientists understand it today. If you've been reading my recent articles, you'll understand why I care about this. I hope you do, too.
What we are learning is that the chemistry of erotic love is different
from that of the intellectual, emotional and sensual aspects of love.
Erotic love also seems to be quite different in men than in women: in
women it is less provoked by visual stimuli, and takes longer to arise
in the first place and then longer to be slaked. The chemicals of
erotic love are testosterone and estrogen, and their function is to
provoke desire and arousal. When we love someone erotically, these
chemicals will keep us coming back for a long time. What's more, erotic
love appears to be self-reinforcing and addictive -- the more we get,
the more we want. Our bodies seemingly don't build up a resistance to
these chemicals' powerful appeal. There is evidence that pheromones,
the subtle chemical signals our bodies emit when we seek erotic
companionship, stimulate testosterone and estrogen production
powerfully, but erotic desire can occur without them in the presence of
visual, imaginative (the mind's eye) or other sensory stimuli.
Other aspects of love, from the intellectual love of ideas and of
imaginings and of learning, to the emotional love of friends and
partners and children and nature, to the sensual, aesthetic love of
beauty, art and music, tend to me closely interwoven, less 'separable'
from each other than from erotic love.
This kind of love can be provoked, like erotic love, by visual,
imaginative or other sensory stimuli (especially olfactory and
tactile), and they can also be provoked by empathetic stimuli -- the
presence of a helpless child or animal, someone suffering, or the
infectious allure of someone extremely happy, passionate, and/or
playful. Such love is a consequence of a veritable cocktail of at least
four different chemicals being released by the body, in an astonishing
number of locations. Each of these chemicals produces a different set
of 'love' emotions:
- Phenylethylamine gives us the feeling of unbounded euphoria
and energy we feel, especially when we first 'fall' in love. The
systems are familiar: dancing on air, sleeplessness, and a craving for
more of what provoked the feeling in the first place. This appears to
be the most addictive 'love' drug. Once we get it, we can't get enough.
When we lose it, we go through what can only be called withdrawal. It
is possible that post-partum depression is the result of acute
withdrawal of this hormone as the body adjusts to the new role of the
mother. It also probably accounts for the craving of some people for
unlimited amounts of new and varied love, to keep this 'high' going.
The consequence is often a broken heart when a jilted lover no longer
meets the addict's craving. Phenylethylamine then sets off the body's
production of...
- Dopamine and neopinephrine give us the less ecstatic
feeling of well-being and bliss, that wonderful mellow feeling that
all's right with the world. yet they also give us a feeling of
intermittent excitement when in the presence of who or what we love,
perhaps to reinforce the connection and to produce more
phenylethylamine to resume the intensity of the new love. Dopamine in
turn sets off the body's production of...
- Oxytocin is often called the 'cuddling' hormone -- it is
what makes us want to touch, caress, embrace and protect the one we
love. It also increases the nurturing urge, and lowers our trust
threshold, sometimes with disastrous results when we find that trust
betrayed. The cuddling and caresses in turn increase the production of
phenylethylamine, dopamine and neopinephrine, so the self-reinforcing
overdose of these hormones can be overwhelming, transformational.
Alas, nature (and our bodies) won't allow this state to last too long,
lest it interfere with more mundane duties that may accompany love,
such as parenting and making a home for those we love. Cruelly, over
time, our bodies build up resistance to these four chemicals, and,
except for those so addicted they abandon those they love to seek new
thrills that start the cocktail over again, we begin to go through a
slow withdrawal. We re-become our old selves.
At this stage, to wean us off these ecstatic drugs (some studies
suggest that the drug Ecstasy prompts the body's production of
phenylethylamine), the body starts producing more of another group of
hormones, endorphins. These drugs instill a sense of contentment, and a
strong sense of attachment to what we have and what we love (even if
less powerfully than before). This is the mature stage of love, and it
has its advantages. It is this drug that prompts us to stay with those
we love for a lifetime, or at least until the kids have grown and flown
the nest.
Nature, and our bodies, having hooked us with the mind-blowing
cocktail, now keep us hooked with a more enduring, low-key,
matter-of-fact addictive drug. Testosterone and estrogen add the spice
to reinforce that attachment, to keep us connected to the same people
instead of wandering. Sometimes, anyway.
That's all we seem to know so far. But it's enough to suggest that we
can't help ourselves -- love is not something our minds have any
control over. That's both delicious and terrifying, which is perhaps
why so much art, literature and music is about love. We sing paeans to
it because we simply have no choice. We do what we must.
And when we lose it, like an addict going through withdrawal cold turkey, there is no greater agony.
(part two of this article will
present a debate between Dave the Romantic and Dave the Cynic about the
nature of love, and whether it is essential to a healthy, meaningful
life, or just our body's way of taking control of our behaviour... or
perhaps both)
|
MADE IN CANADA
trust your
instincts 
