Lately
I've been thinking about the qualities that the people I love have in
common. And about the qualities that I look for in prospective
collaborators and partners in various ventures -- projects,
enterprises, communities. And about the qualities I treasure in a
friend. And about the qualities I try to exemplify myself, in
practicing to Let-Myself-Change to be a better model, in trying to make
the world a better place..
It turns out they're all the same qualities.
- Intelligence:
A combination of good critical thinking skills and excellent instincts
(and a willingness to trust them). Smart people are fun, and sexy.
- Emotional Strength:
Freedom from neediness -- it's OK to love attention and appreciation,
but when someone can't live without constant external validation, they
can become unbearable. If you want others to love you, you have to love
yourself first.
- Attention Skills:
Emotional sensitivity, perceptiveness, awareness, openness, capacity
to listen, to focus the senses on what is really happening, and
collaboratively figure out what it all means. I know people who live
their whole lives in their heads, and others who live in an emotional
cocoon; they need to learn to get out more, to get outside themselves.
- Honesty:
About what you love, what you can't stand, what you believe in, and
what you have doubts about. Just get it all out there. But be positive
-- don't criticize, offer constructive ideas and alternatives. And
never, ever lie (that includes saying nothing when there is something that must be said).
- Communication Skills:
Ability to articulate concisely and precisely what you know and what
you think and what you love, orally and in writing (and to show, not just tell).
- Learning Skills:
The self-directed ability to discover, access and process useful
information (captured, experiential, and in conversation). This is the
key to self-management and independence and making yourself a useful
and valuable partner.
- Passion and Responsibility: Belief that what's possible can happen, and energy and a sense of responsibility directed to a shared purpose.
- Curiosity, Imagination and Creativity:
The desire and capacity to find out what you don't know, to think about
what could be, and to bring those imaginings to fruition.
- Different Perspectives & Complementary Strengths:
We are often attracted to people who share our beliefs, our culture,
and our skills, but in my experience the best partners are those whose
gifts and points of view complement each other (i.e. neither conflict
nor overlap).
- Self-Knowledge, and Knowledge of Others' Capacities:
Knowing which capacities you have, and which you lack, and what you
know, and what you don't, and what others can do better than you can,
is enormously important to collaboration and love, especially in coping
with challenges.
- Love, Respect and Trust:
Most of us love and trust those who love and trust us in return. The
alternative is dysfunctional and dangerous, a recipe for either abuse
or co-dependency.
- BGP:
Beauty, grace and presence: Deny it all you want, we all prefer to be
with people who are attractive, gracious, charismatic, and energizing.
Some are naturally more gifted at this than others, but we can all
improve, with practice.
As I was compiling this list
it occurred to me that these are also the qualities we, as writers,
hope to attract and bring out in our readers, and the qualities that,
as readers, we value in good writers.
So now you know, dear
readers, why I love you so much I am compelled, out of joy and the
privilege of your attention and the desire to keep you coming back, to
write my heart out, every day, a total so far of 5,000 pages, 25 books'
worth of what I know and think and care about. I think you, those of
you who stick around, exemplify these twelve qualities.
And your
attention and appreciation, more than anything else, has informed and
defined my journey to learn and discover and convey and start to make a
difference in this world. This blog really has been, from the start, a
collaboration, a partnership with you.
I'm honoured to be in your company, dear collaborators and partners in love and conversation and community.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Image from DoggyBloggy.com
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MADE IN CANADA
trust your
instincts 
