I am madly in love with womankind,
and I've been spending all my spare time learning a staggering amount
from some very special women, one-on-one. Trying to understand how they
know so much better than men what can be done, what must
be done, to make the world a better place. Appreciating their grounded
knowledge, Earth-bound, connected to all life. Trying, too, to love
each of these women in a unique way that is helpful, supportive,
empathetic to her. Trying to be for each woman what she wants me to be
to her. Trying to be generous. Polyamorously.
I am dizzy with my
love for these women. Reciprocally, we each give each other attention
and appreciation, joyfully, genuinely, playfully, lovingly. We
converse, in different ways, about things that matter to us, in a
shared language that I am only just beginning to learn. I have
discovered that the work I was meant to do is to enable people to
Let-Themselves-Change, through love, conversation and community,
through ideas and models and imagination and laughter and provocation
and being intentionally thoughtful and helpful. By being there when I
am needed or useful. By giving a damn. That's why I'm here. That's my
Gift, my Passion, my Purpose.
It's immensely satisfying,
rewarding work. Somehow it's much easier to do with women than with
men. I'm still trying to figure out why.
But in the course of
this remarkable learning, discovery, this loving exploration, I've
observed something that really disturbs me. I've observed it in First
Life and in Second Life and virtually and face-to-face. While it's not
a universal attribute of the women I love, it's alarmingly prevalent.
It's her propensity to compromise her beliefs, ideals, just to keep a
man, the man she loves happy.
To idealize him, make him larger than life, heroic. To apologize for
and to be blind to his outrageous character flaws. To misread his
behaviors, actions, assertions in absurdly hopeful ways. To forgive in
him what is obscenely unforgivable. To put up with his arrogance,
deceit, aggressiveness, selfishness, bullying, jealousy, cruelty,
possessiveness, abusiveness, lies, imposed limits. "It's
understandable", she says. "That's just how he is. He's just being
protective, attentive, appreciative, loving, in his own way".
And
I just shake my head and try to understand. Why would any woman put up
with this? Why would any woman become what she is not, just to please a
man who cannot or will not accept her for who she is? What is worth the
inevitable unhappiness of this hopeful charade? Are women just too
generous for their own good, and, if so, what makes them this way? Are
they just being realistic about what they have to put up with if they
want an enduring relationship with a man, and going into this with
their eyes wide open, prepared for a little disappointment, foolishly
hoping against hope and common sense and knowledge of human nature that
they can somehow mold him into something a little closer to what they
know he could be? Are women socially conditioned for self-sacrifice? Do many settle for less, out of cynical despair, or low self-esteem?
It
has been a bad day for women around the world. In Canada, a 16-year-old
girl was strangled to death by her father because she refused to wear a
hijab. In Australia, a woman judge suspended sentences for a group of
nine men and boys convicted of gang-raping a 10-year-old girl because
the judge believed "she consented". The girl had been repeatedly raped
by and in the presence of her substance-addicted parents since she was
six. This outrage against women goes on every day. Is this background
of violence and oppression part of the conditioning of women that leads
them to believe they must take what they can get, and be grateful?
Maybe
I just don't get it. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I'm just a fool in love.
This terrible world needs women to be all they can be, to create better
models for living and for making a living, lessons of how to love in
conversation in community, understanding of how the world is today, and
personal ideas and actions to make it better. They can't do that if
they let men drag them down, hold them back, belittle them, subvert
them, compel them to settle.
What can we do about this? What can I do? How can I be of use helping women to discover how to free themselves, to be themselves?
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MADE IN CANADA
trust your
instincts 
