22 March 2003

ZEN & THE ART OF COMPUTER MAINTENANCE   In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. Here are 16 error messages from Japan.                              The Web site you seek             Cannot be located, but                              Countless more exist.                             ----------------------                              Chaos reigns within.                          Reflect, repent, and reboot.                               Order shall return.                            -------------------------                                Program aborting.                       Close all that you have worked on.                              You ask far too much.                           --------------------------                               Windows NT crashed.                         I am the Blue Screen of Death.                           No one hears your screams.                          ----------------------------                              Yesterday it worked.                            Today it is not working.                              Windows is like that.                          -----------------------------                              Your file was so big.                            It might be very useful.                               But now it is gone.                              ---------------------                            Stay the patient course.                          Of little worth is your ire.                              The network is down.                          -----------------------------                                 A crash reduces                             Your expensive computer                               To a simple stone.                           ---------------------------                            Three things are certain:                           Death, taxes and lost data.                            Guess which has occurred.                          ----------------------------                             You step in the stream,                           But the water has moved on.                             This page is not here.                          ----------------------------                                 Out of memory.                         We wish to hold the whole sky,                               But we never will.                            -------------------------                               Having been erased,                           The document you're seeking                              Must now be retyped.                          ----------------------------                                 Serious error.                         All shortcuts have disappeared.                          Screen. Mind. Both are blank. 10:26:17 PM    comment [] THE FIRST DAY It's 11.40 PM. I've just given Reuben his formula feed & he's asleep in the car seat. (We can't get him to lie down in the £400.00 cot. Maybe we can turn it into a hen coop). It's quiet outside - the occasional car, a cat screeching in the hedge, an ambulance siren from the St John's station on the main road. I've just turned the TV off, having spent the feeding time switching between Sky, BBC 24 & CNN.  The last thing I heard, just after the sight & sound of missiles roaring into the night from the deck of a Royal Navy ship, was an urbane English voice amongst the American correspondents. He observed somewhat drily that he doubted that the American battle for hearts & minds in the aftermath of war would go down too well in Baghdad, the city having already taken more bombs than were dropped during the entire Gulf War. I shall check that statistic tomorrow. In a conflict marked by an unusually conspicuous amount of cant, hypocrisy, stupidity, lubricious double-talk, venal double-dealing & downright lying, any item of news & commentary should be checked & checked again. But if it's true the notion of an even-handed American administration bringing democracy to a nation starved of anything remotely resembling it for so long is almost surreal. Many of us opposed to the war have ranked a nightmare vision of its aftermath high amongst our concerns. What I saw on the television tonight, with my 6-month old son asleep beside me, chilled me to the bone, both for what it represents right now in terms of suffering & what it betokens for the future. 12:00:56 AM    comment []

© Copyright 2003 Dick Jones. Last update: 31/03/2003; 22:46:12.