GREAT TRUTHS
We most of us share - usually without knowing that we do - strange, wayward, sometimes quite dark little perceptions of the world around us. We keep these notions to ourselves, convinced that, however compelling they are, they must mark us out as lone neurotics surrounded by the palpably sane & rational. From time to time a chance revelation makes it clear that the reality is, in fact, the reverse: the odd lone sane & rational being walks alone amongst the palpably neurotic. Consider the convictions that doom & disaster will attend you if you step on the division between paving stones; that if there are 12 telegraph poles left before you reach the corner, it will all turn out all right; that the universe (from night sky to hearth & home) is a dream & even Mum & Dad are figments of it & very soon you're going to wake up…
I found the following simultaneously comforting & disturbing…
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint to
toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits
55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible, don't even bother trying
if you're stoned.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in
your back garden.
Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as a school child is to call your
teacher Mum or Dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first
given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every guy has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through
and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your
head or hand trapped in something
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite what the story says, you have never met anybody who has had their arm
broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.
People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips (fries) there is a bad chip
1:04:43 AM 
|
