ABSOLUTELY GENUINE HEADLINES
The following headlines, collected zealously over time, are absolutely genuine. I know this because a friend of my cousin was given them by this guy who knew someone who used to work for the Press Association…
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Northern Ireland
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
British Actors’ Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Local School Dropouts Cut in Half
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
11:57:33 PM 
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