AND ANOTHER THING…
There’s a never-less-than-amusing/frequently-hilarious column by David Mueller in the UK Independent on Sunday called ‘Bad Idea of the Week’. This week’s truly awful notion concerns that John the Baptist of gangsta rappers, Ice-T. After having ushered in a generation of ball-grabbing hokum merchants whose skills seem to extend no further than pacing the stage in the manner of men barely dealing with bursting bladders whilst noisily identifying women as whores & bitches, he vanished from the scene. Now he’s re-emerged with (gulp) David Hasselhoff in tow, the intention being, apparently, to turn the ageing meatloaf into a rap artist. In a delightful turn of phrase, Mueller suggests that ‘turning Hasselhoff into a rapper is going to be more akin to trying to get a ferret into an elephants-only golf club’. A happy line to have written. I bet he laughed himself to sleep that night on the strength of it.
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Whilst attempting to get Reuben to insert blackcurrant jam-on-bread into the whole beneath his nose & not any of the others nearby, I caught an item on BBC 4’s teatime news programme, ‘PM’. Now, this may come as a bit of a surprise to some of my less worldly readers, but apparently amongst the various private security firms undertaking military activities alongside the regular forces in Iraq, there are some less-than-desirable elements. It seems, rather disappointingly, that some of the volunteers have been a little economical with the truth when enlisting & that one or two of the principal private armies have been cruelly deceived.
Amongst the deceivers is an ex-Ulster Volunteer Force operative, a close ally of recently whacked UVF fuehrer Johnny Adair. The renegade’s whereabouts had been of enduring interest to the British Special Branch since his disappearance some time ago. Apparently he’s been doing good works for peace & freedom alongside, amongst others, a group of white supremacist South Africans wanted for atrocities in their native land. A spokesman for, I believe, Armour Security, one of the top teams in Iraq, replied when questioned, “Had we known, we wouldn’t have employed them”. But what can you do when people just can’t be relied upon to tell the truth & shame the devil?
Less bothered about the mendacious mercenaries was government foreign minister Bill Ramell. With troop numbers still below the bare minimum needed to implement the coalition’s hearts-&-minds policies, the active support of private security firms is a necessity. He was not, he purred reassuringly, particularly concerned as to the constitution of these outfits, feeling that there was insufficient evidence at this stage of ‘large-scale abuse’. So that’s all right, then…
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11:08:24 PM 
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