Tomorrow morning at 7.30 I join the queue for the surgical attentions of Mr. Jeremy A. Sherman. Iím having a dental cyst & the tooth it has chosen as host removed. Apparently I have to have general anaesthetic because of the trauma involved. He began to go into detail but I raised a hand & he came to a halt somewhere around the fourteenth syllable of the first medical reference.
What disturbs me is the brief document that has to be signed before the surgeon will proceed with the operation. I signed one copy at the end of the consultation & I have to sign another prior to surgery tomorrow. It states baldly: ëCommon occurring risks: Pain / Swelling / Limited mouth opening / Temporary or permanent numbness of lower lip or tongue (partial/complete) / Infection of tooth socket / Post op bleedingÖí
Now, the pain/swelling/limited mouth opening is, I guess, a given. I have a couple of bottles of good Islay malt standing ready to administer further anaesthetic as required. But ëtemporary or permanent numbness of lower lip or tongueí means that the surgeon has drilled right through the nerve that serves the stated areas. And heís asking me to exonerate him from blame in advance. ëSorry, pal, somebody made me laugh & the drill slipped. But you canít sue because you signed my if-I-fuck-up-I-still-get-off-scot-free formí. To be fair to Mr. Jeremy A. Sherman, he has scribbled in above the words ëlower lipí 0.56, & above the word ëtongueí, 0.86, these fractions presumably reflecting the chances of either accident actually coming to pass. But there remain the chilling words ëCommon occurring risksí, leading one to assume that whoever compiled the form has a somewhat jaundiced view of the competence of surgeonsÖ
So there may be something of a hiatus in the regularity of posts as I work my way through my Hibernian painkillers. If any of you have in mind the sacrifice of sheep, goats or small children towards my well-being during & after, check your time zone against GMT & stoke the fires accordingly.
11:57:00 PM 
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