As we hapless Brits are bundled unceremoniously towards a General Election, we would do well to consider carefully…
…A FABLE FOR OUR TIME
While crossing Whitehall one day Tony Blair is hit by a bus and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven', says St. Peter. ”Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see high officials of your eminence around these parts, you see, and we're not exactly sure what to do with you."
"No problem. Simply let me in", says the now former Prime Minister.
"Well now, I'd like to, but I have to account for my decisions higher up”, says St. Peter. "I’ll tell you what we'll do: you’ll spend one day in Heaven and one day in Hell after which you can choose where you want to spend Eternity."
"Really, I've already made up my mind. As a good – indeed, a militant – Christian, I want to be in Heaven," replies Blair.
"I'm sorry but we have our protocols and I’ll have to trouble you to follow the two-day scheme."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and down, down, down he drops to Hell. The doors open and to his amazement he finds himself in the middle of a rich green golf course. In the distance is the clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his deceased friends and late political colleagues. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had whilst playing global power games at the expense of the people. They play a friendly round of golf and then retire to the luxuriously appointed dining rooms to enjoy an excellent lobster thermidore accompanied by a very dry Pouilly Fumee. Also present at table is the Devil, who turns out to be an entirely disarming, friendly & affable figure, entirely unlike the historical stereotype. They are all having such a good time drinking, talking & dancing that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Handshakes & hugs are exchanged all round & the elevator rises up though the spheres of creation to the very door of Elysium itself where St. Peter is standing waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven", he announces & Tony Blair is ushered forward onto the mighty cloudbanks of Heaven. And so a further 24 hours pass with Tony joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. The company is excellent and once again the late Prime Minister, as a good Christian, enjoys himself enormously as, this time, his soul receives succour & nourishment. Before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter is at his side.
"Well then, now that you have spent one day in Hell and another in Heaven, you must choose your location for Eternity."
Tony reflects carefully for a minute and then slowly answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this, but... I mean, Heaven has been delightful, but I think on careful consideration I would prefer to be in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him, to the elevator and they go down, down, down once more to the very denizens of Hell. The doors of the elevator open, but this time Blair is standing in the middle of a barren, desolate land, covered with reeking waste and garbage. He sees all his friends dressed in rags, picking up trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him, affable as before, and throws an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand", stammers the bewildered politician. "Yesterday, I was here and there was a golf course and club, and we all ate lobster and drunk wine and danced and had a great time. Now, all that's here is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends are suffering. What on earth does it all mean?"
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ”Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
10:35:04 PM 
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