VITAL STATISTICS = 3
(Courtesy of The Independent)
What is your greatest fear?
Terminal cancer.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Good shoes.
What makes you depressed?
The relentless mendacity of politicians & the ceaseless credulity of voters.
Who would play you in a movie of your life?
The young Mae West
What is your most unappealing habit?
Trying to utter a complex sentence with at least two subordinate clauses through a single belch.
What is your favourite smell?
Lily-of-the-valley.
Radiator or air conditioning?
Neither. An applewood fire & an open window.
Is it better to give or receive?
To give. (Who the fuck’s going to answer ‘To receive’?)
What do you owe your parents?
The awareness that very few virtues top a sense of humour, & the discovery that freedom & trust lead not to licence but to responsibility.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
‘Oh, for Christ’s sake...!’ & ‘In the final analysis…’
What has been your biggest disappointment?
The continuing failure of society worldwide to recognise that freedom & trust lead not to licence but to responsibility.
When did you last cry, & why?
Watching 109-year-old Henry Allingham placing a wreath on the cenotaph on Armistice Day.
Have you ever had a same-sex experience?
Never been asked.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
The elixir of middle-age.
What keeps you awake at night?
Reuben Jack Semple Jones
What song would you like played at your funeral?
Either Joni Mitchell’s Amelia or There She Goes by The Las
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
That it very rarely does what it says it does on the tin.
11:25:37 PM 
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