Life would offer so very much less fascinating a pageant if words & deeds were considered more carefully in advance of the event or reflected upon more soberly after it. Alongside its serious, frequently maverick reportage, The Independent has kept its readers abreast of the activities of the blissfully ignorant & cheerfully deranged across the world.
First of all, the blissfully ignorant, at the top of which list must be placed, of course, your very own George W. Bush, who, allegedly, clarified his raison d’etre to a couple of Palestinian politicians thus:
“I am driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, ‘George, go & fight those terrorists in Afghanistan’. And I did. And then God would tell me, ‘George, go & end the tyranny in Iraq’. And I did. And now again, I feel God’s words coming to me, ‘Go & get the Palestinians their state & get the Israelis their security & get peace in the Middle East’. And by God, I’m gonna do it”.
Much lower down the hierarchical ladder but in roughly the same position on the intellectual food chain, the following ‘phone-in dialogues from British radio quiz shows were quoted by The Independent from Whitaker’s Almanac:
FROM BBC RADIO TWO’S STEVE WRIGHT SHOW:
Steve Wright: What is the capital of Australia. And it’s not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney
FROM BBC GMR, THE PHIL WOOD SHOW:
Wood: What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood: It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood; Ha-ha-ha, no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence.)
Wood: Okay, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I..?
Contestant: Walked?
FROM DARYL’S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO:
Daryl Denham: In what country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
Receiving awards in the 2005 Wacky Warning contest were the following:
On a US toilet brush: ‘Do not use for personal hygiene’.
On a scooter: ‘This product moves when used’.
On a digital thermometer: ‘Once used rectally, the thermometer should be not be used orally’.
As clear evidence of the fact that the lunatics took over the asylum long, long ago, the following nuggets are offered:
A New Hampshire man named Ronald MacDonald was charged with robbing a branch of Wendy’s.
Two American women started a knife fight over whose turn it was to use the office microwave.
An 83-year-old Australian woman was fined for crossing the road too slowly.
A motorist in Switzerland who thought he had run over a dog discovered on investigation that it was a partygoer wearing a furry fancy dress costume.
A Florida blind man has been charged with having sex with his guide dog.
9:32:05 AM 
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