I am not sure if I want to write a review of the new Liz Phair album, entitled "Liz Phair" or review the reviews of "Liz Phair". The gone-but-not-forgotten magazine "SPY" used to review record reviews. It was a nice little gimic, but meant more to lampoon the style of music criticism, rather than the actual opinions held therein. The actual opinions of the new "Liz Phair" album is what concerns me at the moment.
I first became aware that Liz Phair was working on a new album when Lisa told me that Pitchforkmedia had reported "Liz Phair Determined to Make Worst Album Ever." As you can imagine from the tone and wording of the tagline Pitchfork was not being what you would call "objective." I guess no one is willing to forgive the Matrix of Avril Lavagine for not being indie or punk enough. Fair enough. Well lo-and-behold, when the album finally "dropped" (when did the word "dropped" become synonymous with "released" by music types? One day I turned on Total Request Live and people were saying "my album is ready to drop". I felt bad for them, until Carson Daily said "that's great". So anyway) Pitchforkmedia gave it a bad review.
But it was not just pitchfork. Popmatters.com called it "putrid crap."
I was at the gym the other day, brought in a copy of Entertainment Weekly to read while on the good old eliptical cross-trainer (Lifetime has since apologized for making me fat. The bad publicity generated by this widely read little online publication was too hot for them to handle. I can make or break local fitness companies. So watch out Bietz. Your little gym you built in your basement is next) and they had a positively glowing review of the album. Rolling Stone was also less hostile giving it ***.
So I have to admit, I became curious. Why were popmatters and pitchforkmedia so interested in blasting this album. The single that Radio K was playing wasn't so bad. So I became determined to go listen to the new piece of chelief (I will give a shiney quarter to whoever catches that reference -- except Meg because i explained it to her yesterday. that would be cheating).
I listened to the CD. Without going into details, I will say the album is OK. There are times where it is clear that Liz Phair is trying to ape later-day Madonna, but whatever. I give it **.
Now, before I get to why it is pitchfork et al hate this album, I think that I should explain why I went and purchased an album getting such mixed reviews. First, the reason I purchased it rather then download it is because, well, Kazaa is beginning to suck. It takes too long, it has pop-up ads. Also, I really wanna try that iTunes all the kids are talking about.
And, bad reviews, when they are vicious, make me wanna see or hear the album. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.
OK, here is what I think Pitchfork is dealing with. When "Exile in Guyville" came out Liz Phair was all the rage. I went out and grabbed the album. It was pretty good. But the main attraction was that she was talking dirty. Hot chick talking dirty, pornographic even, is going to make the indierockdood mark out big time. It was almost a no brainer. Then on her follow up she talked dirty a little less, but still, ok. Then on "Whitechocolatespaceegg" she didn't really talk dirty at all. She wrote a kick ass single in "Polyester Bride". But when she finally decides to sell out, the Indierockdood has to admit that she wasn't all that talented. She is (AT BEST) a weak singer. She is a competant, but not amazing, musician. She is really just a pretty girl who talks dirty. And they don't wanna admit that they got fooled.
The Matrix, Michael Penn, and R. Walt Vincent are not to blame. Liz Phair is not to blame. Capital Records is not to blame. Matador is not to blame. And it's not really Spin Magazine's fault either. You have to just come out and admit it. While Exile in Guyville might be a "masterpiece" it was a masterpiece made by a crappy musician. I love it when people swear in songs more than any other guy I know. (Just ask Bietz) That don't make you a superstar, however. And it's no reason to get pissed when an indie rocker finally shows their limitations.
12:01:27 PM 
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