Playing Around
In the Comments section for today’s Absit Invidia post, the reader, Chris made the comment that this upcoming election is pointless because Bush is acting like a Democrat. Is he now? I wonder how that came about?
SCENE
An uninhabited Oval Office or so it appears until suddenly George pops up from behind his desk. He drops an armful of Lord of the Rings dolls on his desk. He grabs Aragorn in one hand and Arowen in the other. George draws them close together.
GEORGE: [speaking in a high-pitched voice, with an elven lisp] The fellowship grows weak my Lord......[George moves the Aragorn doll intimately close to Arowen. He speaks in a deep, masculine voice] I’ve got your fellowship right here, babe, and it’s as strong and hard as.....
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
George quickly drops the dolls on the desk, opens the bottom drawer, gathers all the dolls up into his arms, and then drops them into the opened drawer. Closing the drawer, he runs to the door, composes himself, and then opens it. Rove pushes his way past George and motions him to quickly close the door. Rove is visibly disheveled and has recently finished eating. There is evidence of mustard stains on his fingers and on his tie and a Kool-Aid mustache graces his face. The door is now shut.
ROVE: [excitedly] George! I have just had an ephiphany!
GEORGE: [showing visibly upset face] Karl, you know I don’t appreciate you speaking French. This is America...speak like one or I’m taking away your perks from Oscar Meyer and Dolly Madison.
ROVE: But George?...OK! Listen to me...[Rove motions to the desk]...I need you to sit down. [George moves behind the desk and sits down]. George? Before you react...hear me out. [Rove winces] During the next few months....we....are going to turn you.... into a Democrat.
GEORGE: [whining] Karl......you bothered my strategy meeting with the Fellowship, I mean our Allies, for this?
ROVE: Yes...and it will work....we will make you better than any Democrat running for the election....Better than that bogeyman Dean who you hear growling under your bed at night....
GEORGE: [showing horrified face] Oh....he’s so angry...and his teeth are so sharp!....I don't like him. He scares me! Has Ashcroft finished creating that email that says he wants to kill me?
ROVE: [assuring him] Not yet. [George displays sad face] But we can make you better than him.....And we’ll make you better than general Clar....
GEORGE: [whining again] D a m m m i i i i t, K a a a r r r a a a l...he's not supposed to be the general getting all of the attention! I AM the number one GENERAL...The Commander in Chief!
ROVE: [assuring him again] Oh, you are Sir! No doubt about that sir...but you know and I know that Clark is really a better speaker and debater than you are....and he has a better six-pack.
[George looks deflated]
GEORGE: [showing pitiful face] Oh...it’s just that I want to be president forever, Karl.
ROVE: [assuring him again] I know, George.....and Dickey knows, too. We’re working on that as fast as we can. We figure that if you start acting and talking like you are a bleeding-heart......only for the next few months, of course....that the voters will see that you are a better Democrat than any of those presidential shit-for-brain hopefuls and decide to vote for you, Bush, the Republican!
GEORGE: [showing hopeful face] You can do this?
ROVE: [giving that mother knows best look] Just leave everything up to us.
George stands up, appears to think for a minute, then looks mischeviously at Rove.
GEORGE: With this new appearance thingy......do I get a Monica look alike?
11:06:27 PM  | |
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