I work in one those dark places that is PACOM. There aren't any windows in my "office" lest someone sinister peek in. Cell phones are not allowed. Not that they would be useful anyway - the building was built just before world war II out of solid concrete panels which have subsequently been RF shielded.
In these parts, everyone's business is no one's business. A query such as "Hey, what do you guys do in that SCIF(secret compartmentalized information facility)?" would evoke a very typical response, "Oh, things sir". The response is not impolite just not very informative. And the response is sing-song like a guide on a tour who has uttered the same words repetitively ad in finitum.
The "door knob" for the entrance to my SCIF consists of a dial as one would typically find on a bank vault. Spin this once in the morning to open the vault. Then it's only a matter of swiping a badge and punching in a cypher lock code. I'm in!
Just inside the door is a black curtain - the kind you might find in a strip club (I've been told...). Once the door is opened, the curtain is designed to prevent unauthorized eyes from, once again, peering in. Want to make a funny joke? Walk down the stark, dim corridors spinning dials as you go. Heh Heh. We're all now "stuck" inside and plenty pissed. The local fire marshal loves this.
Sidebar: None of the information I'm providing here is, in any way, classified. Rich would never do that! It's provided only as background to my daily life.
There's a guy onboard called the SSO (site security officer). Does this acronym remind you of any nazi organization of old? Men in jackboots? Well it's really not the same. Because the SSO is more actually a czar. Mess with that bull and you're guaranteed to get horns. He has the ability to do very bad things to my career at PACOM.
One of the first things he advised (read NOW HEAR THIS) at my site security briefing a while back was that I was never to provide my military e-mail address to the public.
It isn't that you can just phone PACOM and ask to speak with rich pure&simple. "They" whomever "they" are, simply don't have that information.
And that is why it annoys me to no end, when some spam fuck, somehow (???) obtains my address. I received the following this morning:
Eligibility Notice for: Ajy Freebish
Qualifying IT Executive Rate: Free Subscription ($195 Value)
Number of Issues: 1 Year (12 issues)
Deadline: April 22nd, 2003
As a previous applicant,[A LIE] we'd like to give you an opportunity to apply for a FREE subscription to Optimize - - the award-winning publication that helps C-level Technology Executives rethink and reshape business strategies to maximize technology buying decisions.
And, of course, at the bottom of the spam was a line in teeny weeny font size that said:
However, if you no longer wish to receive these notices, please click here 
I was fixin' to give these folks a piece of my mind but clicking on this link only produced the following:
The page you are trying to load has encountered and error. The administrator has been notified. Please try to reload the page, or go back and reenter the apporiate information.
Error Category Microsoft OLE DB Provider for ODBC Drivers
IIS Error Number
COM Error Number -2147467259
Error Source
Cute. Way to go guys.
I started wondering whether this firm was employing very clever marketers or complete morons. Judging by the spelling errors in the error message, I'd have to conclude the latter. BTW that name, freebish, is an alias I used for ordering mail ordered items.
My gripe is finished. Only a final warning to this magazine's marketing office. Don't mess with a programmer. Rich too has an email spammer oft' let loose to rain millions and millions of return emails in a spate is pith and vigor. You've been warned.
3:35:07 PM 
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