Gay Male Sexuality
The topic of gay male sexuality and fidelity is so boring and played out. So why am I writing about it again?
Well, I was thinking the other day about how many gay men are just willing to give up on monogamy and embrace open relationships as the standard. The thought process usually goes this way:
Men are "hard-wired" to be promiscuous, so you can either embrace your sluttiness or turn yourself into a liar.
The reasoning of the above statement is that gay men are either dogs or liars and you better embrace one path or another. Isn't that sad?
I think back to my relationships and wonder how I managed to stay monogamous, with the exception of a mutually agreed-upon threesome every now and then. I had an ex who once told me "Shane, you're a lot better at monogamy than most gay men" but I don't think that's true. What am I good at is dedication and commitment and not wanting to have my cake and eat it too. Life in many ways is about sacrifice and most gay men aren't willing to engage in that. Like little boys they want it all, now, and when they don't get it they're not too pleasant to be around.
See, its become more and more clear to me that for many gay men life is nothing more than extended period of adolescence, but with the dangerous addition of sex, drugs and money. How else can one explain it when you see 45 year-old men drugged out on the dance floor wearing completely non age-appropriate frat boy getups? I know so many gay men who refer to sex as "playing" as if we're all in the sandbox together instead of fucking each other's asses. Instead of "toys" we now have drugs and their accoutrements. Instead of real friends we have "party buddies" who are gone the minute the drugs run out, or even before.
This is easy for us because most gay men have such difficulty either finding a boyfriend or maintaining a relationship because of societal pressures and the pathologies we've nurtured amongst ourselves. Most of us don't have kids, we don't have a family and a good portion don't have anything to do with their birth families. So what steps into that void for many? Sex, drugs, addiction and alcohol.
I'm not casting blame here. 4 years ago, while I was in my late 20's, I remember sitting in my living room before a night out hopped up on pills and K and thinking "All I want to do with my life is make money and party" and that's exactly what I did. I partied through Seattle, New York, London, Johannesburg, Montreal, Los Angeles and Vancouver, with myriad stops in-between. I played with the big boys and unlike most of them I'm still standing and I count my lucky stars I didn't end up addicted to Crystal or HIV+ like so many.
I had enough self-awareness that I remember one Sunday morning being up for more than 24 hours with everyone sitting around still high and listening to trance music and thinking "How is this ever going to end?" It was then I realized how deeply I'd fallen into that life and resolved to get myself out. I can reel off name after name of those around me who didn't and it saddens me terribly because there was once such joy and fun in that world until the drugs gradually snuck in and took over everything.
Anyway, I'm rambling and I don't know what made me think about this topic. Maybe because my niece was here and it felt for a little while like she was my own kid, and now I realize that's what I really want and need, that in a way that's my destiny. I'm glad I made it this far and I'm excited about what the future holds.
6:33:10 PM 
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