Open Relationships are for Losers
Ever seen the bumper sticker or t-shirt that says "Rehab is for quitters?" I like that because it shows just how gung-ho most Americans are on anything, and how often we refuse to give in, even if it's in our best interests.
One area that I've blogged on previously is that of open relationships. I've never been in one and when my ex-boyfriend suggested the idea I knew it was time to call it quits, for good. I can't stand the idea of someone having sex with my boyfriend and if I'm not enough for him then we should break up. Yet there exists within the gay community a strong line of thought that says that most men are sexual addicts and one might as well admit that, fuck around as much as one wants AND be in a relationship at the same time.
Bullshit. It all comes back to the same idea I've been articulating for a long time. Most gay men aren't sexual addicts or whores but instead are little boys playing like they're men. What kind of person can call themselves a man when to them being gay and male is all about the right to fuck and suck as much as one wants, wherever one wants and whenever one desires, regardless of the costs to ourselves or our community? That attitude is the height of narcissism, but as most gay men are excessively narcissistic themselves that would seem to fit into the prevailing ethos of the gay community.
In the words of a fellow blogger:
Most people lie about sex, just ask Bill Clinton. I think a lot of people even lie to themselves about sex. There is a blogger (this one I'll link to) that wrote about a couple that he's known a long time that prided themselves on their monogamous relationship. The blogger is a doctor and just wrote them both a prescription for antibiotics to treat their gonorrhea.
I used to think one of the most refreshing things about being gay was that I didn't have to subscribe to the social norms about sex anymore.
The underlying idea behind this statement is that again most gay men are sluts and liars and it's a lot easier to just admit that and give into the temptation of an open relationship than say to yourself: "I love this guy and am in a relationship and that means I am going to have to do without sex with anyone other than my boyfriend, especially if he doesn't want me to have an open relationship." Instead there are gay men who "give in" to their boyfriend's desires to have an open relationship or decide to ignore the dalliances they know are going on the side. The example this blogger gives is further proof that at least to him most gay men are liars, so better to just admit you're going to fuck around and get rid of all that bullshit about being faithful to one man.
The other issue here is the one of "social norms about sex." Being gay is outside the "norm" of sexual behavior but that doesn't mean gay people have to go all the way and establish themselves as non-monogamous sexual obsessives, as if to prove the point of straights that we're incapable of the same type of love as themselves. One doesn't have to ape the behavior of straights (God forbid) but neither do we have to establish chains of bathhouses for quick and easy fucking (and HIV transmission) and constantly trumpet the joys of non-monogamy. Isn't it time to admit that we're giving our enemies on the Right all the ammunition they need, and more?
It's sad that in this day and age gay men are still arguing about what's better, an open or closed relationship and close behind whether it's a good idea to open up the bathhouses again. It seems that for every step forward we take another two steps back.
11:16:25 AM 
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