I love Pesky the Rat. I got the following from here
President Bush says America
to release first IPO on Tuesday
The President today took time away from the war to announce yet another neoconservative-inspired economic policy. Bush, speaking from the Rose Garden, says that Tuesday, April 6, the United States of America will switch from a constitutional democracy to a corporate model by offering shares for sale. Initial offering price is expected to be $17.76 a share.
"This is gonna be really nifty," said Bush, "I'm so excited I almost wet my pants."
Aids close to President Bush later admitted "almost" might have been an exaggeration.
The new plan basically works this way: Americans, now known simply as "potential investors", will be able to buy shares in USA Inc. Voting rights, as in most corporations, will depend on the number of shares purchased. However, there are two classes of shares: FOG shares (Friends of George), and Commoner shares. Commoner Shares can be purchased by anybody, but FOG shares can only be purchased by Friends of George W. Bush. FOG shares carry two billion percent more voting power than Commoner Shares.
President Bush plans to use the extensive skills he acquired in two years of partying at MBA school to reform many other aspects of American. Bush's spokeman, Ari Fleischer, listed several priorities:
- Replace all media outlets with large water coolers.
- Monitor all Investor communications. Any Investors who surf porn sites are to be immediately promoted to Governor. Once all Governorships are filled up, said Investors are to be placed in charge of the U.S. Treasury (now the Finance Department).
- All those who choose not to invest will be optimized. This includes individuals too young to invest, too poor to invest, or to ugly to get an Investment Representative to look at them long enough to accept their investment.
- No severance packages are available. However, Investors assigned to the War & Peace Department will be equipped with golden armani parachutes.
All those interested in a prospectus can write to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC. Potential Investors are warned that past performance is no guarantee of future success.
[Pesky the Rat]
12:30:17 AM 
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